Monday Recap: Good Form - Spoilers Ahoy!

 Belay that ahoy there! Shipshape! Sailor Talk! Holy Hook in a Hairbow!

Yowza.

I'm starting to have some doubts about this season. It's really starting to meander. We all knew that a Captain/Swan hook up (ha!) was coming, and while that kiss was worth the price of admission - Emma's relationships all feel really forced to me. I don't know...maybe it's me. But I really do buy her as a consummate survivor with a LOT of trust issues, and I don't see those walls come down enough to buy her with any of the guys we've seen her paired with yet.
 
Who did we meet?: Captain Liam Jones (RIP), and a lost boy who is NOT Felix.

When and where did the events take place?: Present Day Neverland, unspecified past in an as yet unspecified kingdom. We STILL have not been to Storybrooke.

What did we learn?: Dreamshade has an antidote, and the antidote has a pretty major catch.
Also, Hook's backstory! It was interesting, if a leeeetle hamfisted. We *know* that Hook Killian becomes a pirate. He didn't really need the Norma Rae moment with AAAAALL the exposition. Although Colin O'Donohue played it well. I think the guys on that ship were just happy to have a reason to lose all that fussy gear.

Why does this matter?: Maybe the better question is DOES this matter, but this King that Killian and Liam are in the employ of, who knows not just of Neverland's existance, but of a virulently toxic plant and needs it to win a war. Is this a framing device or, will this be important later? We really don't know where Killian and Liam are from, although it certainly seems like the Enchanted Forest.

Since he's sworn off Neverland, it can't be too terribly long after Liam's death when he meets Milah. So maybe the wars are the Ogre Wars?

Oh Henry!: Yeah, I got nothing. I miss Rumpelstiltskin.

Best Line: "A one-handed pirate with a drinking problem?" - Peter Pan to/about Captain Hook. Ouch and zing - but let's be real, pop-psychologists don't diagnose guys with Captain Hook syndrome, now do they?

Missed Opportunity: "Go get some firewood or something." - Emma after that RAUNCHY kiss. Really Hook, all you can muster after THAT is "As you wish?" Well, I guess there's some precedent for simplicity.

Wait, What?: Is there really a sextant that will help them decode the map  and get them off the island? Cause...let's find THAT. It sounds more useful than a golden compass.

And where's Tinkerbell? She's possibly the inabitant  of the other cage along with Rumpel, or Owen/Greg. My money is on Ethan Embry. I think Tink is playing both sides of the field, because WE NEVER SAW A BODY. That line about there "not being enough of [Owen]" to salvage anything had to have been a lie, because all that happened to him was his shadow was taken.

There are three shadows roaming around loose...well, dissected from their owners. Rumpel, Pan, and Owen. Wonder what's up with them? 

Really OUAT?: Stop trying to make 'fetch' happen. No one wants to #savehenry. I have a feeling you'll get a lot more twitter traction with #shutupsnow and/or #shutupcharming.

Crackpot Theory: I don't know...I can't nail this down Pan's motives. The idea that he's grooming Henry to be the new Pan has some audience traction. But I just don't know. Pan really seems to have the world calibrated to his liking. And here's the other thing - we haven't yet seen him out and out lie. He tells the truth selectively, and in a way that will ultimately benefit him, but he does tell it. So I'm inclined to believe what he said to Henry about wanting/needing him to bring back magic. And it still doesn't explain how Pan knew to look for The Heart of the Truest Believer or how he got that sketch.
We also haven't seen him outside the context of Neverland, even though we know he's originally from the Enchanted Forest.

So how did Peter Pan find his way to Neverland and become its defacto ruler? Does anyone else find it odd that we haven't seen ANY fairies in Neverland yet, excluding the fallen Tinkerbell? This has shady blue fairy dust all over it to me.

Random Thoughts: Charming is an INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE throughout this episode. "It's your fault we're here!" "Stay away from my daughter!" "Emma will never love you!" "You're a LIAR and liars SUCK." "You're nothing but a pirate" ...SAID THE SHEPERD WHO MASQUERADED AS A PRINCE AND MARRIED A TITLE. #ShutupCharming SHEESH.

OUAT drinking game - take a drink every time Regina: A. uses magic for something superficial. B. whines about how they could solve this problem with magic. C. says something snippy, D. uses a bad pun (all puns are bad puns.)

Henry turning that stick into an actual sword was not as neat as Robin Williams turning empty bowls into bowls full of rainbow frosting. Maybe that's my bias.

Monday recap: Nasty (Spoiler!) Habits

Who did we meet?: The Pied Piper...sort of. Yay OUAT for including the definition of 'pied'. But Fables still did it better. Read Peter and Max - you won't be sorry.

When and where do the events take place?: Enchanted Forest Pre Dark Curse. The further back we go along the OUAT timeline, the less useful the DC is as a marker. We're in the EF after Rumpel gets his powers, but before Baelfire gets access to the portal bean portal. Present Day Neverland. We STILL have not been back to Storybrooke.

What did we learn?: Neal is bomb. He cold clocks Felix, and immobilizes Pan. (although it's a poor sort of immobilizer that allows the victim to talk...) He doesn't take ANY shit from Rumpel, and he made a star map from a coconut. Take that Gilligan and Co. Ok Emma, I get it.

Also! Peter Pan is a MASTER manipulator. He knows how to make his words find their mark. He's very good on preying on the weaknesses that people aren't even fully honest with themselves about. In this episode alone, we watch him manipulate Henry, Rumpel, and Baelfire/Neal. Is it possible that he's not getting his way through magic, but sheer mindfuckery?

Why does this matter?: Rumpelstiltskin, Baelfire, and now Henry have all been Lost Boys. Rumpelstiltskin knew Peter Pan when he (Rumpel) was a boy. So he's been in Neverland (not aging!) since Rumpel was a kid. It's heavily implied that Rumpel knew Peter as a kid, before he somehow became such a Big Bad. What's the story there?

Really OUAT?: The Pied Piper of Hamlin pipes the children away while they sleep. When Rumpel happens upon Hamlin, they're organizing search parties. Rumpel sticks around for the Piper's encore performance, which is spiriting away young men. Those were NOT exactly boys shimmying down those buildings.  But no girls. No young women. So is Pan not taking them, or are the people of Hamlin not that concerned about missing daughters?

At the end of S2, Wendy says that the shadow only keeps boys on the island. Why? The quick 'n'dirty answer then seemed to be that he knew he was looking for a boy. But this Pied Piper business seems to negate that, when he says he wants friends. Does he not want to play with girls? (shut it) Pan seems willing enough to have Emma as a "lost girl". All he seems to want and need around him are people with feelings of abandonment that he can poke at.

Oh Henry!: Henry I-won't-dance-don't-ask-me Mills.You are so great when you are unconscious. You and Aurora should team up. Wonder snooze powers activate!

This is David's 'Oh no you didn't' face.

Wait, what?: All it takes to lure a  fairly-large-although-maybe-not-technically-giant-but-still-plenty-honkin-big squid to the SURFACE is a toot on a conch shell? I WAS PROMISED MERMAIDS.

Also why is everyone so goddamn sold on the idea that Neal is dead? He was SHOT. That doesn't automatically equal dead. Have none of you heard of Suge Knight?

Best Line Exchange: "Why do you care?" "Why don't you?"- David and Hook.
Captain Hook just told Prince Charming to man the fuck up.

Crackpot Theory: Can't take credit for this, but it's an interesting one - Peter Pan is grooming Henry to take over his role. It's interesting, and plausible...but I dunno. Peter seems to like his seat of power just fine. If anything, I think he might want to expand it. Is it possible that Peter is trapped in/by Neverland? A prison that you can control is still a prison.

Random thoughts: GOOD FOR YOU TINK ASKING FOR AN ESCAPE PLAN. You are officially smarter than the United States Congress. I have to wonder about Tinkerbell. I'm not prepared to rule her out as a double agent, and she and Hook CLEARLY have some kind of past-with-a-capital-P. That P can stand for whatever you like.

Getting reeeeeal sick of Halluceno-Belle.  Also Felix. Dear sweet baby Jebus in the manger. LEVELS. Play with them. But Belle. Honey? Self-preservation is not a "nasty habit". It is...I don't know how to be any plainer - it's self-preservation. Not dying. You said that not dying is a nasty habit...for an immortal. That makes no sense.

Apparently there "wasn't enough left [of Greg/Owen] to find anything useful". RIP Ethan Embry maybe. And I saw that smile Regina. Gross. Remember there was a time you wanted to adopt him as a kid and bone his father. Tell us again how you're not a villain?

Oh, and Regina I appreciate you not complaining and nagging to use magic to find Henry, but I'm not sure constant snarking is any better. I'm still not seeing this teamwork we were all so hot for in the first ep of this season.

HIS NAME IS NEAL, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Can we please find a less awkward but still gender-neutral phrase to use instead of 'bail bondsperson'? I like bounty hunter. And are we still not discussing Emma's non-superpower? Ok, good.

We're never going to see Neverland in daylight, are we? We're also never going to see Emma, Snow, or Regina in anything other than impeccable clothing and hair, are we? Is it a royal thing?

You're no Jamie Dornan, but you'll do.

Hook remembers that Milah liked to draw (D'aw.) Now all I can think about is Hook naked on a fainting couch asking to be drawn "like one of your French girls."


Yeah, I'm going to wrap up on Hook Naked.

Monday Recap: Quite a Common Fairy

I've been really looking forward to this episode, and I wasn't disappointed. There is a LOT going on now, lots of plates spinning, lots of balls in the air. But I have to say for an episode with ZERO Rumpelstiltskin, this wasn't bad.

Who did we meet: Tinkerbell, and Robin Hood's ADORABLE son. (RIP Marian)

When and Where did the events take place?: Present Day Neverland, Present Day Enchanted Forest, Pre-Dark Curse Enchanted Forest.

What did we learn?: Hoo boy. There is a difference between FAIRY dust and PIXIE dust. It's important. OF COURSE Aurora and Philip are going to have a baby. Because why rebuild a shattered kingdom when you can make babies? I sort of have to wonder about the circumstances around conception since Aurora's new superpower involves sleeping all the time.

Aurora: ROOFIE RESCUE POWERS ACTIVATE. zzzzzz...

Philip: ....Giggity.

Why is this important?: Why did Tinkerbell want to help Regina anyway?

Oh Henry: I knew last week was too good to last.

Wait, What?: Pan's got a crossbow? Fairies have curfews? That's pretty much bullshit.

Really OUAT?: Robin Hood? Really? Also, his life doesn't seem all that ruined to me. He's got a cute baby, and he's going to get to nail Mulan. #RobinHoodWinning

Best Line: "I will be the judge of what is fairylike!" - Blue Fairy
 First - this is going to be my answer to everything from now on. Second - Shady. Bitch. Third - I think the real reason that the Blue Fairy didn't like Tinkerbell is because Tink's dress wasn't regulation.

Are all fairies called by their wardrobe color? Wouldn't that get kind of limiting? Is it a hierarchy thing? Nova wasn't The 'Pink' fairy. Can I be the 'Puce' fairy?

Crackpot Theories: Ok, this is a big, multi-layered idea. Pretty sure somehow Neverland is laying bare our heroes vulnerabilities. So far the most obvious one is Emma's feeling of abandonment. But we're seeing concrete glimpses of the others. Rumpelstiltskin - cowardice. Snow - being alone. Regina - self sabotage. Charming - physical prowess. Which leads to the next crackpot theory - I don't think David is getting out of this alive. To REALLY break Mary Margaret - David is going to have to die. They're going to have to be separated by something more permanent than distance, magic, marriage to other people, or unconsciousness.

I know what you're thinking - YOU FORGOT HOOK. No, I didn't. But we haven't seen his vulnerability yet this season. We really haven't *seen* it at all. But we've seen glimpses of it. Hook is vulnerable when he falls in love. (D'aw.) It'll be interesting to see what Neal's is.

Neverland is either going to break them, or force them all to believe in something stronger than what they know. All their belief right now comes from externals. They're going to need to believe in something deeper and seemingly less concrete to win.

Win what, though, is the question. Get Henry back, and go home obviously. But this is a weird manifestation of Peter Pan. He's VERY different than any other Peter Pan we've ever seen, not because he's a villain (JM Barrie's Pan is pretty much a douche) but because he remembers and plans.

Peter Pan is always all about instant personal gratification. OUAT's  Peter Pan is manipulating people and circumstances to an end. The question is what end, and why. Simply removing Henry from Neverland isn't going to stop what's already been put in motion.

Pronouns. Oy.

Ok, legit crackpot theory.

Is it possible that "the boy" the Seer prophesizes isn't Henry Mills, but Peter Pan? The seer says that her power has limits, and there's a distinction between what can be from what shall be. A lot of the speculation hinges on the idea of what constitutes "undoing", but maybe we're scrutinizing the wrong detail.

Obviously Rumplestiltskin hasn't learned his lesson about acting rashly based on unspecified prophecy. You'd think after that Oedipus debacle, there'd be a support group for people that get prophesied about.

The Seer's dying prophecy is as follows:

"You will be reunited with your son and it will come in a most unexpected way. The boy. A young boy will lead you to him. But beware Rumpelstiltskin, for that boy is more than he appears. He will lead you to what you seek, but there will be a price. The boy will be your undoing."*

"Ooh, yeah, honey when the teacher said you were 'Special'
she meant something different..."

Worth noting that we're starting S3 with Rumple and Baelfire separated again.

Maybe I just have a hard time being open to the idea that Henry could ever possibly be "more than he appears".

*S2 Ep14 - Manhattan.

September Speculation: Killian Jones Edition!

Things I did not do between May and September: Catch up on Scandal, Revenge or even all of Game of Thrones. Blog intermittently while re-watching episodes of OUAT.

Things I did do between May and September: Read all of the currently in-print Song of Ice and Fire Series. Began watching The Big Bang Theory, Watched Bob's Burgers, and Orange is The New Black. Bitched about S2 of OUAT being UTTER NONSENSE while trying to entice other people to watch the show. (I was bad at this last thing. You see the conflict.)

There are other things that I did and did not do, but those would make this blog long and entirely too personal and not at all about OUAT, so...yeah.

Welcome to September and S3! It is a new season! Jane Espenson is back! I am optimistic! I want to be optimistic! I remember what happened the last time I was optimistic!

I could write about my hopes and fears and disappointments about this show - but I'm going to make a very conscious attempt to be forward thinking, and only look back as it relates to what we know or don't know about the story so far.

With that in mind - I'm going to start off with some speculation about Captain Killian Jones - aka Hook.

"No, you're right. I wear less eyeliner than
Jack Sparrow. Three guesses why."

Who is he?: Killian Jones, pirate, Captain of the Jolly Roger. Former ally of Cora, enemy of Rumpelstiltskin, Relationships with the rest of the Storybrooke Gang - unclear, bordering on antagonistic. Emma is CLEARLY drawn to him, but (rightly) doesn't trust him. Snow White is understandably repulsed by him, and he and David are doing the alpha dog 'circle and snap' deal that guys do. To be fair, Hook has been charmingly lewd toward David's wife and daughter, so David sort of has the moral upper hand (HA! Get it?) here. His relationship with Regina is a bit fraught. She's got to hold him a little responsible for Cora's death - which is for some reason upsetting to her, even though she sent Hook to Wonderland with instructions to KILL CORA. Then again, Regina's default is to blame Snow White, so maybe not.

What do we know about him?: He's the current Charming Rogue in Emma's life, whether she knows it or not, or wants to admit it. It'll be interesting to see if her "superpower" re-manifests in his presence. He spent time in Neverland for the purpose of living long enough to plot his revenge against The Dark One. He has a healthy (?) fear/respect of the Lost Boys.

"Captain, I really don't think we should
accept blankets from these colonists."

What do we NOT know about him?: How he became a pirate. How he became a captain. How much time he spent in Neverland, (Query: How can one "spend time" in Neverland? We know there is day and night, and they're not on some kind of temporal loop that causes them to repeat actions a la 'Groundhog Day', but people...lifeforms?...don't age. Does this include plants? If nothing dies, how do food chains work? I've been watching a lot of The Magic School Bus lately.) and what he did or who he interacted with while he was there. Incidentally, we also don't know what happened to the rest of his crew. When he heads into Neverland, he's got a ship full of pirates. All of whom but Smee go conspicuously missing. Smee goes missing later. There's a very good chance he's still a rat.**

Where is he from/going?: Originally from the Enchanted Forest, Hook travels to Neverland after Milah's death and his impromptu amputation so that he can remain the same age and plot the death of the Dark One.

Why does he do the things he does?: Short term - revenge and survival. "If there's one thing I want more than my revenge, it's my life." Hook wants to survive long enough to get to Rumplestiltskin and kill him, thereby avenging Milah. Long term - Hook, like everyone else on this show, is looking for love. D'aw. The bitter pill is that he FOUND it, albeit briefly. Moral of the Story: Happily Ever After, rarely is. The bigger question is what led Killian/Hook to become a pirate, and why does he have these fixed ideas about Good Form and fair fights?

A black pirate captain?
Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
(Wait, that's not right...)

Before S2 began, I entertained the idea that Lancelot after being banished from the Round Table in disgrace, might have become Hook. Swordsman, strong principles, it could have worked. Oh well.

How does he impact the story?: Well, his only motivation that we've seen, is to kill Rumpelstiltskin. Which means he has to get in the same universe, to begin with. I'm not sure why Cora needed Hook, but we know why Hook needed Cora. Now that he knows where his nemesis is, and what some of his weaknesses are (Belle, the dagger, and garden variety poisons APPARENTLY.) he's....helping him get to Neverland because....reasons?

What does the protagonist want?: I know, I know. Hook isn't a protagonist. ...in Peter Pan's story, as we know it. But first - that's Captain JAMES Hook, not Killian Jones. And bigger point, that's in Peter Pan's story.  No one is ever the villain in their own story, and EVERYONE has their own story. Told from Hook's POV, he's avenging the the death of his beloved at the hands of the Dark One through the use of Good Form and Pointy Objects. So, what he wants is...unclear. The only way to put it right now, is that he wants an opportunity. Whether that's to genuinely redeem himself in the eyes of the Charming-Snow-Swan family, or just lull Rumpelstiltskin into a false sense of security remains to be seen.

Crackpot Theories: Hook's not just captaining the ship, he's going to be the guide to Neverland. Rumpel seems to have a passing familiarity with Neverland, and we know Regina knows about it - but David and Mary Margaret are in the dark (Why are they going? How are they supposed to be useful?), and Emma might only know what the rest of us know about Peter Pan, which is never absolute knowledge.

Hook as a love interest for Emma, natch. Especially since we're all comfortably assuming that Neal/Baelfire is dead, which he is NOT. That'll be an interesting love triangle - Daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming at the crux of the pissing contest between the Son of the Dark One and the Pirate Captain who used to be all about the Dark One's ex-wife. JER-RY JER-RY JER-RY!!!

Honestly, it's hard to form a proper crackpot theory around a character who's motivations are so obscured. We've seen him ally himself with literally every character at this point, however disingenuously. He agreed to kill Cora on Regina's behalf, he assisted Mary Margaret and Emma at Cora's behest, He helped Baelfire evade the Lost Boys, he even helped Greg and Tamara trap Regina. Now he's helping Rumpelstiltskin and Company get to Neverland. He seems to be playing a very ADHD endgame. Stay tuned!








** Actually a rat. S2 Ep11

Weekend Speculation

"Your acting all season has been
 more wooden than mine right now."

Well, this is it. The culmination of a bizzare, lackluster season. A season that started with tremendous promise and then seems to have shat the bed.

By Kitsis and Edwards own admission their biggest regret of Season 2 was having August/Pinnochio tasered to death, because wood is historically traditionally scientifically not the greatest conductor of electricity.

Biggest Season Two Regret
Eddy and Adam also took a moment to address a major fan complaint this season: The Tasing of Pinocchio. "Here's the thing, we thought, 'We need a real world weapon.'" In the moments in making that decision we never realized the backlash that would be from a taser," Eddy emphatically said. "We just figured the audience assumed it wasn't a taser ... but they didn't. So I got a lot of history lessons about wood and conducting electricity. If I could go back one season and change one thing, I would have made it a syringe. If she had just taken a [glowing] syringe and shoved it into the dragon, no one would give a sh*t. I am sorry we chose a taser. We are willing to take the hit for the taser. We f*cked up." (http://www.etonline.com/tv/133446_Once_Upon_A_Time_Season_2_Finale_Spoilers/)

So we head into "And Straight On Til Morning" on Sunday. Neal/Baelfire has been shot and gone through the portal into another world. We've gained some insight into Hook and Baelfire's past relationship - that is, that they had a past relationship.

Here's what we know:

• Neal and Emma are Henry's biological parents
• Neal is Baelfire, Rumpelstiltskin's biological son
• Rumplestiltskin believes that Henry will be his undoing, based on the prophecy of the seer.
• Neal and Emma both traveled to other worlds through the Blue Fairy's involvement.
• Rumpelstiltskin says that fairy magic doesn't mix well with what he is
• Emma is inherently magical - The Chosen One, born of true love destined to break the Dark Curse. She hasn't actually broken it yet. 
• Shortly after being sent to A World Without Magic, Baelfire is taken to Neverland.
• In Neverland, you don't age. Hook goes there with the intent of giving himself unlimited time to plot his revenge against Rumpelstiltskin, since The Dark One has "life eternal". (But can apparently be killed by poison. Whatever.)
• Rumpelstiltkin is the "crocodile" responsible for cutting off Hook's hand - and killing his True Love - Milah.
• Milah is Rumpelstiltskin's former wife, and Baelfire's mother.
• There are faries in Neverland, according to Wendy.

Here's what we don't know:

• We don't know why The Shadow is kidnapping boys to Neverland.
• Where Neal is now.
• What happens to Baelfire while he is in Neverland.
• How Baelfire/Neal gets back from Neverland to A World Without Magic.
• What Hook and and Baelfire's relationship is to one another.
• How Henry got his book of Fairy Tales - weren't we promised that this season?

Shady. Bitch.

Is it possible that The Blue Fairy is playing a bigger end game than Rumpel? Both Emma and Neal made it to A Land Without Magic through her involvement. But Baelfire/Neal was born and went through the portal LONG before Emma was conceived or even thought of. So a mysterious magical force, coming from a land which houses mermaids and faries is kidnapping young boys and keeping them in a land where they don't age for reasons unknown. But we know Neal leaves Neverland somehow. In time to meet Emma and father a child. A child who is now being prophesied/assumed to be the undoing of The Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin's willing to chalk Regina's adoption of Henry up to 'fate'.  I'm not so sure.

I also still think that Bae is the reason that Hook knows about Rumpel's dagger. I can't help but wonder if/when Baelfire finds out that Rumpelstiltskin is actually the person responsible for Milah's death.

I'm not so sure that Baelfire IS Peter Pan. I'll be pleasantly surprised if he's not.

Corrections, Crackpot theories, and other Thursday Filler

Oops!: Found a mistake in my last entry. Greg calls the phone number he sees/finds on Henry's backpack when he comes across a kid suspiciously alone running through the woods. He doesn't necessarily know that he's calling Regina when he attempts to contact Henry's parent.

Crackpot theory: Hook knows about the dagger because of Baelfire.

We know that Bae knew about the dagger. We know that Baelfire went to another land before coming to A Land Without Magic, and because he recognizes Hook, hasn't aged, and knows how to steer a magic pirate ship - we can safely assume this land is Neverland. We know that Hook went to Neverland in order to have enough time to plot his revenge against Rumpelstiltskin - as the Dark One has life eternal. (unless you poison him, apparently - but that is neither here nor there.) Hook returns from Neverland with tales of a weapon that can defeat the Dark One. He doesn't know what the weapon is, or where to find it - but he goes to Belle to find that information. Regina knows all about Hook, and that he's returned from Neverland. So the timeline matches up.

Part of me wants Bae to be one of the Lost Boys - Slightly, or Nibs, or Toodles.  Just to NOT be Peter Pan. Disney still owns the rights to all those names, right? I'm also waiting for Henry to have his "Hook" (The Spielberg movie, not the OUAT character) moment - "Peter Pan's my DAD???" Might be time to get him back into therapy. Then again, the whole REASON he was in therapy was because he thought the people in his life were fairytale characters, and he turned out to be right. So even if he DID wind up back on the couch, he'd be fully justified in being unbearably smug.

Long Shot: Tamara (Neal's Fiancee)  as Tiger Lily? I don't really think this is possible. But because of her unspecified ethnic look, lots of names are being tossed around - Pocahontas, Jasmine, Tiana. Tiger Lily is the only connection to Neverland I can think of. But if he left Neverland, and brought her along, then he wouldn't have been flying solo when he met Emma. Maybe he wasn't, entirely. There's clearly more to learn about this character, and I hope she fares better than other characters of color that we've seen featured on the show.

I will scream if I keep seeing David pull a gun. That's his thing apparently, this season. Seriously, take a drink everytime he pulls a gun. Wasn't this the guy who was volunteering at the animal shelter last season, and now he's Magnum freaking P.I.

Is it bad that I'm more curious about what happened to Maleficent (we never saw a body!) than I am about Philip, Mulan, and Aurora. I just don't care about those three or their wacky adventures.

I still think we're due for a real death this season, and I think it's going to be August. Archie didn't really die, and Cora HAD to die. We're due for a death that's going to upset people. Something about his character just says 'sacrifice' to me. It'll be nice to see him next week.

According to The Mary Sue, there's also now talk of a OUAT spinoff around Wonderland. I don't think it's a great idea, at this point. The show's too young - albeit popular - for a spinoff, and without Sebastian Stan, they really don't have a good connection. I'd rather watch a spinoff around Jack/Jaqueline. She seems like an interesting character - one we didn't get to see enough of, but we know she's a realm-jumper and an adventurer. There's more potential for stories there.

Monday Recap: The Queen is Dead OR "What's the Good of Being Good?"

Actually on a Monday! Woohoo! And Spoilers Ahead for The Queen is Dead - obviously.

WHO did we meet: Queen Eva. Her name is actualla Eva, right? (King Leopold suspiciously absent.) Johanna...for whatever that was worth. I wouldn't see be surprised if we see her again in flashback. Then again, we may have enough of Snow's backstory at this point

WHAT did we learn: A LOT! A mega f*ckton.  Not the least of which is Cora's penchant for poison.

WHERE and WHEN did events take place: Enchanted Forest - before the Dark Curse. Present-day Storybrooke. Present-day Manhattan.

WHY was this important: Neil has a fiancee. Ok...so what? He has to tell his fiancee that he has a SON. He doesn't *have* to tell her that he's the son of Rumpelstiltskin or that he's (probably) Peter Pan - in fact, it's probably better if he doesn't, because Hello Nuthouse. That'd be the most interesting way to end an engagement ever. So there's this whole section of his life that he can't tell her about. Unless she turns out to be The Little Mermaid. Or a private eye. It'd be interesting if this fiancee is the "her" that Greg (The Outsider) keeps communicating with. ALL THE COINCIDENCES. I doubt it though.

Really OUAT?: "Help us Mother Superior, you're our only hope." YE GODS, WE GET IT. DISNEY OWNS STAR WARS. WE KNOW. WE ARE AWARE. 

Also, Snow White had no idea Johanna was in Storybrooke? Granted, she was a bit distracted after the curse was broken. (True Love, Firstborn Curse-breaking Daughter reunion, sent back through the hat - I get it.)  But come on. I've had the impression that this is NOT a large town. With the restoration of memories, she should have realized that her childhood governess was at least IN TOWN.

AND - we're not even going to try and react to Johanna's heart being ripped out? No roundhouse kick? No hail mary tackle? I know Cora and Regina have magic, but does that mean that Snow White Warrior Princess goes AWOL? And David! You're not just set dressing! Do something heroic. At least TRY. Johanna - you sort of tried. You could have done more, or maybe not. I've never had someone rip my heart out of my chest - you at least have an excuse. But come on - you all had to know that Cora was going to kill her no matter what choice Snow made.

Wait, what?: How does everyone suddenly have knowledge of this dagger? I was under the impression that this was a secret, sort of? Not just the location of the dagger, but its existence. Ok - we all know about the dagger now.

And...we're just going to leave Hook in Manhattan. Without his ship. Granted, they haven't actually LEFT yet, they're just planning to. Still. Bad form. But, I suppose there are worse plans. A swarthy rogue with a hook for a hand...the only place he'd attract less attention than NYC would be Comic-con. If he starts running his mouth, he'll just get locked up.

Crackpot Theories: God I wish I'd posted this here sooner. Clearly Baelfire is Peter Pan. The hints have been pointing in that direction since Tallahassee. I SAID THAT BEFORE THIS EPISODE. I have witnesses. I do. Also, still pretty sure that August isn't making it out of this season alive.

Bae as Peter opens up some really interesting avenues. Father and Son have a common enemy. It adds a layer to Emma and Neil's relationship. (Peter Pan syndrome indeed!)

Don't Trust: The Blue Fairy - although at this point I *might* be willing to concede that she herself is not all evil. I never thought she was ALL evil, just that her motives weren't totally pure. But she was up to some shady business in Storybrooke BEFORE Cora's arrival. So I'm not totally prepared to give up the ghost on this theory. Clearly we can't trust Cora. The question now is how often has Cora pulled this disguise?

Remaining Questions: What was Cora's relationship to Eva? It has to be to her, because when she "meets" King Leopold (The Stable Boy), he doesn't seem to have any prior knowledge of her. So why the venom? (OMG OUAT PAGEANT MOMS!!!) Clearly we're going to learn a LOT more in The Miller's Daughter.

Problems to solve: Cora, obviously. She can't die if she's got her heart hidden away somewhere, and Cora's GOT to die. Otherwise, she'll either control Rumpel, or take his powers and to paraphrase David in his one moment of episodic usefulness or clarity - I don't like either of those options. Even if Cora DOES take the Dark One's powers, then it just becomes a game of hot potato. Someone has to kill Cora to take her powers, and then someone has to kill that person, and so on and so on. WHERE DOES IT END? ...can the person "hosting" the Dark One commit suicide? Noble self-sacrifice and such. Still, I don't see Disney doing seppuku.

Regina is CLEARLY conflicted. She doesn't trust Cora (rightly), and she doesn't trust David and Mary-Margaret (understandably). The one person she MIGHT be able to trust is Emma, since she and Emma have the common goal of doing what's best for Henry. Cora will never really control Regina, unless she controls/has posession of Henry - BUT if she tries, then Regina will immediately distrust her. Cora is on VERY thin ice, and she knows it. She just has to keep everyone else - especially Regina - from knowing it.

Also conflicted is Rumplestiltskin. Is he going to kill Henry? I don't think Rumpel the man actually wants to. I think those are his Dark One powers talking. As much as Henry irks me, I don't want to see him die at Rumpel's hand. Not because I'd particularly miss Henry, but because it would make Rumpel really dastardly.

And Hook - what becomes of Hook when/if he realizes that one of his antagonists is actually Milah's son?


Best Line: "I was always  the queen. You added evil to my name." or "It's a sad truth that the people closest to us are the ones capable of causing us the most pain." Not an original sentiment, but very true.

Oh Henry!: I had something for this, I forget what it was. But really. This kid bugs me. He'd better do something interesting or heroic, but quick. And by heroic I mean "Do a better job acting. Make me like you." I miss Jefferson. And August. Not Dr. Whale though. Or King George. Or Belle. Or Aurora. Or Mulan. Or Greg. Or Ruby. You can all continue your disappearing act for awhile.