Monday recap: Nasty (Spoiler!) Habits

Who did we meet?: The Pied Piper...sort of. Yay OUAT for including the definition of 'pied'. But Fables still did it better. Read Peter and Max - you won't be sorry.

When and where do the events take place?: Enchanted Forest Pre Dark Curse. The further back we go along the OUAT timeline, the less useful the DC is as a marker. We're in the EF after Rumpel gets his powers, but before Baelfire gets access to the portal bean portal. Present Day Neverland. We STILL have not been back to Storybrooke.

What did we learn?: Neal is bomb. He cold clocks Felix, and immobilizes Pan. (although it's a poor sort of immobilizer that allows the victim to talk...) He doesn't take ANY shit from Rumpel, and he made a star map from a coconut. Take that Gilligan and Co. Ok Emma, I get it.

Also! Peter Pan is a MASTER manipulator. He knows how to make his words find their mark. He's very good on preying on the weaknesses that people aren't even fully honest with themselves about. In this episode alone, we watch him manipulate Henry, Rumpel, and Baelfire/Neal. Is it possible that he's not getting his way through magic, but sheer mindfuckery?

Why does this matter?: Rumpelstiltskin, Baelfire, and now Henry have all been Lost Boys. Rumpelstiltskin knew Peter Pan when he (Rumpel) was a boy. So he's been in Neverland (not aging!) since Rumpel was a kid. It's heavily implied that Rumpel knew Peter as a kid, before he somehow became such a Big Bad. What's the story there?

Really OUAT?: The Pied Piper of Hamlin pipes the children away while they sleep. When Rumpel happens upon Hamlin, they're organizing search parties. Rumpel sticks around for the Piper's encore performance, which is spiriting away young men. Those were NOT exactly boys shimmying down those buildings.  But no girls. No young women. So is Pan not taking them, or are the people of Hamlin not that concerned about missing daughters?

At the end of S2, Wendy says that the shadow only keeps boys on the island. Why? The quick 'n'dirty answer then seemed to be that he knew he was looking for a boy. But this Pied Piper business seems to negate that, when he says he wants friends. Does he not want to play with girls? (shut it) Pan seems willing enough to have Emma as a "lost girl". All he seems to want and need around him are people with feelings of abandonment that he can poke at.

Oh Henry!: Henry I-won't-dance-don't-ask-me Mills.You are so great when you are unconscious. You and Aurora should team up. Wonder snooze powers activate!

This is David's 'Oh no you didn't' face.

Wait, what?: All it takes to lure a  fairly-large-although-maybe-not-technically-giant-but-still-plenty-honkin-big squid to the SURFACE is a toot on a conch shell? I WAS PROMISED MERMAIDS.

Also why is everyone so goddamn sold on the idea that Neal is dead? He was SHOT. That doesn't automatically equal dead. Have none of you heard of Suge Knight?

Best Line Exchange: "Why do you care?" "Why don't you?"- David and Hook.
Captain Hook just told Prince Charming to man the fuck up.

Crackpot Theory: Can't take credit for this, but it's an interesting one - Peter Pan is grooming Henry to take over his role. It's interesting, and plausible...but I dunno. Peter seems to like his seat of power just fine. If anything, I think he might want to expand it. Is it possible that Peter is trapped in/by Neverland? A prison that you can control is still a prison.

Random thoughts: GOOD FOR YOU TINK ASKING FOR AN ESCAPE PLAN. You are officially smarter than the United States Congress. I have to wonder about Tinkerbell. I'm not prepared to rule her out as a double agent, and she and Hook CLEARLY have some kind of past-with-a-capital-P. That P can stand for whatever you like.

Getting reeeeeal sick of Halluceno-Belle.  Also Felix. Dear sweet baby Jebus in the manger. LEVELS. Play with them. But Belle. Honey? Self-preservation is not a "nasty habit". It is...I don't know how to be any plainer - it's self-preservation. Not dying. You said that not dying is a nasty habit...for an immortal. That makes no sense.

Apparently there "wasn't enough left [of Greg/Owen] to find anything useful". RIP Ethan Embry maybe. And I saw that smile Regina. Gross. Remember there was a time you wanted to adopt him as a kid and bone his father. Tell us again how you're not a villain?

Oh, and Regina I appreciate you not complaining and nagging to use magic to find Henry, but I'm not sure constant snarking is any better. I'm still not seeing this teamwork we were all so hot for in the first ep of this season.

HIS NAME IS NEAL, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Can we please find a less awkward but still gender-neutral phrase to use instead of 'bail bondsperson'? I like bounty hunter. And are we still not discussing Emma's non-superpower? Ok, good.

We're never going to see Neverland in daylight, are we? We're also never going to see Emma, Snow, or Regina in anything other than impeccable clothing and hair, are we? Is it a royal thing?

You're no Jamie Dornan, but you'll do.

Hook remembers that Milah liked to draw (D'aw.) Now all I can think about is Hook naked on a fainting couch asking to be drawn "like one of your French girls."


Yeah, I'm going to wrap up on Hook Naked.

Monday Recap: Heart of the Truest Believer

Spoiler Alert! (because I know you were all watching Breaking Bad last night and forgot that this was on.)

Who did we meet?: Peter Pan! And at least one mermaid.

What did we learn?: A lot! How portals work! Who is in charge of the "home office". That Henry possesses the titular heart. That Rumplestiltskin has history with Peter Pan. That mermaids are worse than sharks, whales, or krakens, and that you can say 'bitch' in primetime.THE IMPORTANCE OF COOPERATION. Maybe the Charming-Snow-Swan family can team up with the Evil Queen and Captain Hook to make a community garden.


When/Where do the events take place?: Present-day Neverland and the Enchanted Forest. 11 years ago in an unspecified hospital.

Why is this important?: Taking Greg/Owen's shadow. Hm. File him under not dead yet.

Oh Henry!: No, we are NOT making smores. *facepalm*

Wait, what?: Aurora tells Bae/Neal that he is in "Our kingdom". Meaning...hers and Philip's? Or hers and Mulan's? OR...hers AND Philip's AND Mulan's? Multi-Ethnic Polyamory Royals! Royals behaving badly! Nah, I'm guessing it's Aurora and Philip's (half decimated) kingdom because she has a new hairdo and some kind of tiaraish crowny headgear. And Aurora has a superpower! ...sleeping. Sleepwalking. Sleep...realm-jumping. Hooray she's being given something to do,  but boo her something kind of sucks. BUT her superpower is still better than Emma's. Womp-womp.

This is probably the kind of thing that will only bother me BUT, in a wink-to-the-fourth wall moment, Mulan asks Bae 'What's a movie?', but when Bae meets Robin Hood, and says he's Rumplestiltskin's son, and Robin takes him at his word. Bae says 'What, you don't want to see ID?'...how is Robin hood familiar with the idiom ID?

Best Line: "It is so much easier to get people to hate something than to believe." - Peter Pan. Truth.com.

Best Line Honorable Mention: "Good thing you guys don't ask questions." - Henry  Bahahahaha! Ok, that was solid. It's not often ever than Henry gets a good line, and this just proves that I hate(d) Greg and Tamara more than I hate Henry.

Really OUAT?: The lights flickering during Henry's "auspicious" birth was totally ripped from Wyatt's birth in Charmed. That 11 years ago flashback was SUPER unnecessary. It did nothing to enhance the story, and it didn't tell us anything we didn't already know.

Overall, I'm maintaining my optimism. Tamara and her nonsense storyline are out of the picture. Things seem to be refocusing on the characters and their relationships. Henry's contributions to the actual episode were few. If last season was the Harry Potter season, this is going to be the 'Lost' season. Our heroes trapped on a malevolent, magical, possibly sentient island? Hm.

It's REALLY interesting that Rumple genuinely seems to fear Pan, and that he's gone sort of lone wolf in going after Henry. In a way, Peter Pan seems to be a bigger threat than Cora.

Weekend Speculation

"Your acting all season has been
 more wooden than mine right now."

Well, this is it. The culmination of a bizzare, lackluster season. A season that started with tremendous promise and then seems to have shat the bed.

By Kitsis and Edwards own admission their biggest regret of Season 2 was having August/Pinnochio tasered to death, because wood is historically traditionally scientifically not the greatest conductor of electricity.

Biggest Season Two Regret
Eddy and Adam also took a moment to address a major fan complaint this season: The Tasing of Pinocchio. "Here's the thing, we thought, 'We need a real world weapon.'" In the moments in making that decision we never realized the backlash that would be from a taser," Eddy emphatically said. "We just figured the audience assumed it wasn't a taser ... but they didn't. So I got a lot of history lessons about wood and conducting electricity. If I could go back one season and change one thing, I would have made it a syringe. If she had just taken a [glowing] syringe and shoved it into the dragon, no one would give a sh*t. I am sorry we chose a taser. We are willing to take the hit for the taser. We f*cked up." (http://www.etonline.com/tv/133446_Once_Upon_A_Time_Season_2_Finale_Spoilers/)

So we head into "And Straight On Til Morning" on Sunday. Neal/Baelfire has been shot and gone through the portal into another world. We've gained some insight into Hook and Baelfire's past relationship - that is, that they had a past relationship.

Here's what we know:

• Neal and Emma are Henry's biological parents
• Neal is Baelfire, Rumpelstiltskin's biological son
• Rumplestiltskin believes that Henry will be his undoing, based on the prophecy of the seer.
• Neal and Emma both traveled to other worlds through the Blue Fairy's involvement.
• Rumpelstiltskin says that fairy magic doesn't mix well with what he is
• Emma is inherently magical - The Chosen One, born of true love destined to break the Dark Curse. She hasn't actually broken it yet. 
• Shortly after being sent to A World Without Magic, Baelfire is taken to Neverland.
• In Neverland, you don't age. Hook goes there with the intent of giving himself unlimited time to plot his revenge against Rumpelstiltskin, since The Dark One has "life eternal". (But can apparently be killed by poison. Whatever.)
• Rumpelstiltkin is the "crocodile" responsible for cutting off Hook's hand - and killing his True Love - Milah.
• Milah is Rumpelstiltskin's former wife, and Baelfire's mother.
• There are faries in Neverland, according to Wendy.

Here's what we don't know:

• We don't know why The Shadow is kidnapping boys to Neverland.
• Where Neal is now.
• What happens to Baelfire while he is in Neverland.
• How Baelfire/Neal gets back from Neverland to A World Without Magic.
• What Hook and and Baelfire's relationship is to one another.
• How Henry got his book of Fairy Tales - weren't we promised that this season?

Shady. Bitch.

Is it possible that The Blue Fairy is playing a bigger end game than Rumpel? Both Emma and Neal made it to A Land Without Magic through her involvement. But Baelfire/Neal was born and went through the portal LONG before Emma was conceived or even thought of. So a mysterious magical force, coming from a land which houses mermaids and faries is kidnapping young boys and keeping them in a land where they don't age for reasons unknown. But we know Neal leaves Neverland somehow. In time to meet Emma and father a child. A child who is now being prophesied/assumed to be the undoing of The Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin's willing to chalk Regina's adoption of Henry up to 'fate'.  I'm not so sure.

I also still think that Bae is the reason that Hook knows about Rumpel's dagger. I can't help but wonder if/when Baelfire finds out that Rumpelstiltskin is actually the person responsible for Milah's death.

I'm not so sure that Baelfire IS Peter Pan. I'll be pleasantly surprised if he's not.

Corrections, Crackpot theories, and other Thursday Filler

Oops!: Found a mistake in my last entry. Greg calls the phone number he sees/finds on Henry's backpack when he comes across a kid suspiciously alone running through the woods. He doesn't necessarily know that he's calling Regina when he attempts to contact Henry's parent.

Crackpot theory: Hook knows about the dagger because of Baelfire.

We know that Bae knew about the dagger. We know that Baelfire went to another land before coming to A Land Without Magic, and because he recognizes Hook, hasn't aged, and knows how to steer a magic pirate ship - we can safely assume this land is Neverland. We know that Hook went to Neverland in order to have enough time to plot his revenge against Rumpelstiltskin - as the Dark One has life eternal. (unless you poison him, apparently - but that is neither here nor there.) Hook returns from Neverland with tales of a weapon that can defeat the Dark One. He doesn't know what the weapon is, or where to find it - but he goes to Belle to find that information. Regina knows all about Hook, and that he's returned from Neverland. So the timeline matches up.

Part of me wants Bae to be one of the Lost Boys - Slightly, or Nibs, or Toodles.  Just to NOT be Peter Pan. Disney still owns the rights to all those names, right? I'm also waiting for Henry to have his "Hook" (The Spielberg movie, not the OUAT character) moment - "Peter Pan's my DAD???" Might be time to get him back into therapy. Then again, the whole REASON he was in therapy was because he thought the people in his life were fairytale characters, and he turned out to be right. So even if he DID wind up back on the couch, he'd be fully justified in being unbearably smug.

Long Shot: Tamara (Neal's Fiancee)  as Tiger Lily? I don't really think this is possible. But because of her unspecified ethnic look, lots of names are being tossed around - Pocahontas, Jasmine, Tiana. Tiger Lily is the only connection to Neverland I can think of. But if he left Neverland, and brought her along, then he wouldn't have been flying solo when he met Emma. Maybe he wasn't, entirely. There's clearly more to learn about this character, and I hope she fares better than other characters of color that we've seen featured on the show.

I will scream if I keep seeing David pull a gun. That's his thing apparently, this season. Seriously, take a drink everytime he pulls a gun. Wasn't this the guy who was volunteering at the animal shelter last season, and now he's Magnum freaking P.I.

Is it bad that I'm more curious about what happened to Maleficent (we never saw a body!) than I am about Philip, Mulan, and Aurora. I just don't care about those three or their wacky adventures.

I still think we're due for a real death this season, and I think it's going to be August. Archie didn't really die, and Cora HAD to die. We're due for a death that's going to upset people. Something about his character just says 'sacrifice' to me. It'll be nice to see him next week.

According to The Mary Sue, there's also now talk of a OUAT spinoff around Wonderland. I don't think it's a great idea, at this point. The show's too young - albeit popular - for a spinoff, and without Sebastian Stan, they really don't have a good connection. I'd rather watch a spinoff around Jack/Jaqueline. She seems like an interesting character - one we didn't get to see enough of, but we know she's a realm-jumper and an adventurer. There's more potential for stories there.

Monday Recap: The Queen is Dead OR "What's the Good of Being Good?"

Actually on a Monday! Woohoo! And Spoilers Ahead for The Queen is Dead - obviously.

WHO did we meet: Queen Eva. Her name is actualla Eva, right? (King Leopold suspiciously absent.) Johanna...for whatever that was worth. I wouldn't see be surprised if we see her again in flashback. Then again, we may have enough of Snow's backstory at this point

WHAT did we learn: A LOT! A mega f*ckton.  Not the least of which is Cora's penchant for poison.

WHERE and WHEN did events take place: Enchanted Forest - before the Dark Curse. Present-day Storybrooke. Present-day Manhattan.

WHY was this important: Neil has a fiancee. Ok...so what? He has to tell his fiancee that he has a SON. He doesn't *have* to tell her that he's the son of Rumpelstiltskin or that he's (probably) Peter Pan - in fact, it's probably better if he doesn't, because Hello Nuthouse. That'd be the most interesting way to end an engagement ever. So there's this whole section of his life that he can't tell her about. Unless she turns out to be The Little Mermaid. Or a private eye. It'd be interesting if this fiancee is the "her" that Greg (The Outsider) keeps communicating with. ALL THE COINCIDENCES. I doubt it though.

Really OUAT?: "Help us Mother Superior, you're our only hope." YE GODS, WE GET IT. DISNEY OWNS STAR WARS. WE KNOW. WE ARE AWARE. 

Also, Snow White had no idea Johanna was in Storybrooke? Granted, she was a bit distracted after the curse was broken. (True Love, Firstborn Curse-breaking Daughter reunion, sent back through the hat - I get it.)  But come on. I've had the impression that this is NOT a large town. With the restoration of memories, she should have realized that her childhood governess was at least IN TOWN.

AND - we're not even going to try and react to Johanna's heart being ripped out? No roundhouse kick? No hail mary tackle? I know Cora and Regina have magic, but does that mean that Snow White Warrior Princess goes AWOL? And David! You're not just set dressing! Do something heroic. At least TRY. Johanna - you sort of tried. You could have done more, or maybe not. I've never had someone rip my heart out of my chest - you at least have an excuse. But come on - you all had to know that Cora was going to kill her no matter what choice Snow made.

Wait, what?: How does everyone suddenly have knowledge of this dagger? I was under the impression that this was a secret, sort of? Not just the location of the dagger, but its existence. Ok - we all know about the dagger now.

And...we're just going to leave Hook in Manhattan. Without his ship. Granted, they haven't actually LEFT yet, they're just planning to. Still. Bad form. But, I suppose there are worse plans. A swarthy rogue with a hook for a hand...the only place he'd attract less attention than NYC would be Comic-con. If he starts running his mouth, he'll just get locked up.

Crackpot Theories: God I wish I'd posted this here sooner. Clearly Baelfire is Peter Pan. The hints have been pointing in that direction since Tallahassee. I SAID THAT BEFORE THIS EPISODE. I have witnesses. I do. Also, still pretty sure that August isn't making it out of this season alive.

Bae as Peter opens up some really interesting avenues. Father and Son have a common enemy. It adds a layer to Emma and Neil's relationship. (Peter Pan syndrome indeed!)

Don't Trust: The Blue Fairy - although at this point I *might* be willing to concede that she herself is not all evil. I never thought she was ALL evil, just that her motives weren't totally pure. But she was up to some shady business in Storybrooke BEFORE Cora's arrival. So I'm not totally prepared to give up the ghost on this theory. Clearly we can't trust Cora. The question now is how often has Cora pulled this disguise?

Remaining Questions: What was Cora's relationship to Eva? It has to be to her, because when she "meets" King Leopold (The Stable Boy), he doesn't seem to have any prior knowledge of her. So why the venom? (OMG OUAT PAGEANT MOMS!!!) Clearly we're going to learn a LOT more in The Miller's Daughter.

Problems to solve: Cora, obviously. She can't die if she's got her heart hidden away somewhere, and Cora's GOT to die. Otherwise, she'll either control Rumpel, or take his powers and to paraphrase David in his one moment of episodic usefulness or clarity - I don't like either of those options. Even if Cora DOES take the Dark One's powers, then it just becomes a game of hot potato. Someone has to kill Cora to take her powers, and then someone has to kill that person, and so on and so on. WHERE DOES IT END? ...can the person "hosting" the Dark One commit suicide? Noble self-sacrifice and such. Still, I don't see Disney doing seppuku.

Regina is CLEARLY conflicted. She doesn't trust Cora (rightly), and she doesn't trust David and Mary-Margaret (understandably). The one person she MIGHT be able to trust is Emma, since she and Emma have the common goal of doing what's best for Henry. Cora will never really control Regina, unless she controls/has posession of Henry - BUT if she tries, then Regina will immediately distrust her. Cora is on VERY thin ice, and she knows it. She just has to keep everyone else - especially Regina - from knowing it.

Also conflicted is Rumplestiltskin. Is he going to kill Henry? I don't think Rumpel the man actually wants to. I think those are his Dark One powers talking. As much as Henry irks me, I don't want to see him die at Rumpel's hand. Not because I'd particularly miss Henry, but because it would make Rumpel really dastardly.

And Hook - what becomes of Hook when/if he realizes that one of his antagonists is actually Milah's son?


Best Line: "I was always  the queen. You added evil to my name." or "It's a sad truth that the people closest to us are the ones capable of causing us the most pain." Not an original sentiment, but very true.

Oh Henry!: I had something for this, I forget what it was. But really. This kid bugs me. He'd better do something interesting or heroic, but quick. And by heroic I mean "Do a better job acting. Make me like you." I miss Jefferson. And August. Not Dr. Whale though. Or King George. Or Belle. Or Aurora. Or Mulan. Or Greg. Or Ruby. You can all continue your disappearing act for awhile.

Charming Rogues

Forgive the metaphor, but while the apple may not fall far from the tree, sometimes it rolls down the hill. For where Snow White found her Prince "I will always find you" Charming...

If you like it then you'd better put a ring on it.

The types of men that Emma seems to attract definitely tend  to have feet of clay. But who's looking at their feet? Beginning with the dashing former Sheriff/Huntsman Graham...

Moment of silence, requiem et en terra pax, etc etc.

And (arguably) moving on to A Not-so-Little Wooden Boy

Could you not look quite so bored, Emma? Some of us are trying to live vicariously. Thanks.

Taking a brief detour via Wonderland....

Yes. This. Times a million.

 

And now trapped in the Enchanted Forest with the epitome of the trope...

You're yummy, but I don't trust you.

there is no doubt that Emma Swan attracts charming rogues.

And sometimes even makes SUPER ANNOYING babies with them.

'So what?' you might ask. Once is, after all, a popular show airing in primetime on a major US network. It's not like they're going to cast unattractive rogues. But go back and look at those pictures again. Notice anything similar?

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Emma's got a type, for sure. A very tasty type. Curly dark hair. Distinctive eyes. Swarthy features. All roughly in their early to mid 30's. These are all features we've seen on someone before. Coincidence?

The question is - does Emma attract the type, or is she attracted TO the type?

Curiouser and curiouser...