Monday recap: Nasty (Spoiler!) Habits

Who did we meet?: The Pied Piper...sort of. Yay OUAT for including the definition of 'pied'. But Fables still did it better. Read Peter and Max - you won't be sorry.

When and where do the events take place?: Enchanted Forest Pre Dark Curse. The further back we go along the OUAT timeline, the less useful the DC is as a marker. We're in the EF after Rumpel gets his powers, but before Baelfire gets access to the portal bean portal. Present Day Neverland. We STILL have not been back to Storybrooke.

What did we learn?: Neal is bomb. He cold clocks Felix, and immobilizes Pan. (although it's a poor sort of immobilizer that allows the victim to talk...) He doesn't take ANY shit from Rumpel, and he made a star map from a coconut. Take that Gilligan and Co. Ok Emma, I get it.

Also! Peter Pan is a MASTER manipulator. He knows how to make his words find their mark. He's very good on preying on the weaknesses that people aren't even fully honest with themselves about. In this episode alone, we watch him manipulate Henry, Rumpel, and Baelfire/Neal. Is it possible that he's not getting his way through magic, but sheer mindfuckery?

Why does this matter?: Rumpelstiltskin, Baelfire, and now Henry have all been Lost Boys. Rumpelstiltskin knew Peter Pan when he (Rumpel) was a boy. So he's been in Neverland (not aging!) since Rumpel was a kid. It's heavily implied that Rumpel knew Peter as a kid, before he somehow became such a Big Bad. What's the story there?

Really OUAT?: The Pied Piper of Hamlin pipes the children away while they sleep. When Rumpel happens upon Hamlin, they're organizing search parties. Rumpel sticks around for the Piper's encore performance, which is spiriting away young men. Those were NOT exactly boys shimmying down those buildings.  But no girls. No young women. So is Pan not taking them, or are the people of Hamlin not that concerned about missing daughters?

At the end of S2, Wendy says that the shadow only keeps boys on the island. Why? The quick 'n'dirty answer then seemed to be that he knew he was looking for a boy. But this Pied Piper business seems to negate that, when he says he wants friends. Does he not want to play with girls? (shut it) Pan seems willing enough to have Emma as a "lost girl". All he seems to want and need around him are people with feelings of abandonment that he can poke at.

Oh Henry!: Henry I-won't-dance-don't-ask-me Mills.You are so great when you are unconscious. You and Aurora should team up. Wonder snooze powers activate!

This is David's 'Oh no you didn't' face.

Wait, what?: All it takes to lure a  fairly-large-although-maybe-not-technically-giant-but-still-plenty-honkin-big squid to the SURFACE is a toot on a conch shell? I WAS PROMISED MERMAIDS.

Also why is everyone so goddamn sold on the idea that Neal is dead? He was SHOT. That doesn't automatically equal dead. Have none of you heard of Suge Knight?

Best Line Exchange: "Why do you care?" "Why don't you?"- David and Hook.
Captain Hook just told Prince Charming to man the fuck up.

Crackpot Theory: Can't take credit for this, but it's an interesting one - Peter Pan is grooming Henry to take over his role. It's interesting, and plausible...but I dunno. Peter seems to like his seat of power just fine. If anything, I think he might want to expand it. Is it possible that Peter is trapped in/by Neverland? A prison that you can control is still a prison.

Random thoughts: GOOD FOR YOU TINK ASKING FOR AN ESCAPE PLAN. You are officially smarter than the United States Congress. I have to wonder about Tinkerbell. I'm not prepared to rule her out as a double agent, and she and Hook CLEARLY have some kind of past-with-a-capital-P. That P can stand for whatever you like.

Getting reeeeeal sick of Halluceno-Belle.  Also Felix. Dear sweet baby Jebus in the manger. LEVELS. Play with them. But Belle. Honey? Self-preservation is not a "nasty habit". It is...I don't know how to be any plainer - it's self-preservation. Not dying. You said that not dying is a nasty habit...for an immortal. That makes no sense.

Apparently there "wasn't enough left [of Greg/Owen] to find anything useful". RIP Ethan Embry maybe. And I saw that smile Regina. Gross. Remember there was a time you wanted to adopt him as a kid and bone his father. Tell us again how you're not a villain?

Oh, and Regina I appreciate you not complaining and nagging to use magic to find Henry, but I'm not sure constant snarking is any better. I'm still not seeing this teamwork we were all so hot for in the first ep of this season.

HIS NAME IS NEAL, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Can we please find a less awkward but still gender-neutral phrase to use instead of 'bail bondsperson'? I like bounty hunter. And are we still not discussing Emma's non-superpower? Ok, good.

We're never going to see Neverland in daylight, are we? We're also never going to see Emma, Snow, or Regina in anything other than impeccable clothing and hair, are we? Is it a royal thing?

You're no Jamie Dornan, but you'll do.

Hook remembers that Milah liked to draw (D'aw.) Now all I can think about is Hook naked on a fainting couch asking to be drawn "like one of your French girls."


Yeah, I'm going to wrap up on Hook Naked.

Monday Recap: Heart of the Truest Believer

Spoiler Alert! (because I know you were all watching Breaking Bad last night and forgot that this was on.)

Who did we meet?: Peter Pan! And at least one mermaid.

What did we learn?: A lot! How portals work! Who is in charge of the "home office". That Henry possesses the titular heart. That Rumplestiltskin has history with Peter Pan. That mermaids are worse than sharks, whales, or krakens, and that you can say 'bitch' in primetime.THE IMPORTANCE OF COOPERATION. Maybe the Charming-Snow-Swan family can team up with the Evil Queen and Captain Hook to make a community garden.


When/Where do the events take place?: Present-day Neverland and the Enchanted Forest. 11 years ago in an unspecified hospital.

Why is this important?: Taking Greg/Owen's shadow. Hm. File him under not dead yet.

Oh Henry!: No, we are NOT making smores. *facepalm*

Wait, what?: Aurora tells Bae/Neal that he is in "Our kingdom". Meaning...hers and Philip's? Or hers and Mulan's? OR...hers AND Philip's AND Mulan's? Multi-Ethnic Polyamory Royals! Royals behaving badly! Nah, I'm guessing it's Aurora and Philip's (half decimated) kingdom because she has a new hairdo and some kind of tiaraish crowny headgear. And Aurora has a superpower! ...sleeping. Sleepwalking. Sleep...realm-jumping. Hooray she's being given something to do,  but boo her something kind of sucks. BUT her superpower is still better than Emma's. Womp-womp.

This is probably the kind of thing that will only bother me BUT, in a wink-to-the-fourth wall moment, Mulan asks Bae 'What's a movie?', but when Bae meets Robin Hood, and says he's Rumplestiltskin's son, and Robin takes him at his word. Bae says 'What, you don't want to see ID?'...how is Robin hood familiar with the idiom ID?

Best Line: "It is so much easier to get people to hate something than to believe." - Peter Pan. Truth.com.

Best Line Honorable Mention: "Good thing you guys don't ask questions." - Henry  Bahahahaha! Ok, that was solid. It's not often ever than Henry gets a good line, and this just proves that I hate(d) Greg and Tamara more than I hate Henry.

Really OUAT?: The lights flickering during Henry's "auspicious" birth was totally ripped from Wyatt's birth in Charmed. That 11 years ago flashback was SUPER unnecessary. It did nothing to enhance the story, and it didn't tell us anything we didn't already know.

Overall, I'm maintaining my optimism. Tamara and her nonsense storyline are out of the picture. Things seem to be refocusing on the characters and their relationships. Henry's contributions to the actual episode were few. If last season was the Harry Potter season, this is going to be the 'Lost' season. Our heroes trapped on a malevolent, magical, possibly sentient island? Hm.

It's REALLY interesting that Rumple genuinely seems to fear Pan, and that he's gone sort of lone wolf in going after Henry. In a way, Peter Pan seems to be a bigger threat than Cora.

Pronouns. Oy.

Ok, legit crackpot theory.

Is it possible that "the boy" the Seer prophesizes isn't Henry Mills, but Peter Pan? The seer says that her power has limits, and there's a distinction between what can be from what shall be. A lot of the speculation hinges on the idea of what constitutes "undoing", but maybe we're scrutinizing the wrong detail.

Obviously Rumplestiltskin hasn't learned his lesson about acting rashly based on unspecified prophecy. You'd think after that Oedipus debacle, there'd be a support group for people that get prophesied about.

The Seer's dying prophecy is as follows:

"You will be reunited with your son and it will come in a most unexpected way. The boy. A young boy will lead you to him. But beware Rumpelstiltskin, for that boy is more than he appears. He will lead you to what you seek, but there will be a price. The boy will be your undoing."*

"Ooh, yeah, honey when the teacher said you were 'Special'
she meant something different..."

Worth noting that we're starting S3 with Rumple and Baelfire separated again.

Maybe I just have a hard time being open to the idea that Henry could ever possibly be "more than he appears".

*S2 Ep14 - Manhattan.