Monday recap: Nasty (Spoiler!) Habits

Who did we meet?: The Pied Piper...sort of. Yay OUAT for including the definition of 'pied'. But Fables still did it better. Read Peter and Max - you won't be sorry.

When and where do the events take place?: Enchanted Forest Pre Dark Curse. The further back we go along the OUAT timeline, the less useful the DC is as a marker. We're in the EF after Rumpel gets his powers, but before Baelfire gets access to the portal bean portal. Present Day Neverland. We STILL have not been back to Storybrooke.

What did we learn?: Neal is bomb. He cold clocks Felix, and immobilizes Pan. (although it's a poor sort of immobilizer that allows the victim to talk...) He doesn't take ANY shit from Rumpel, and he made a star map from a coconut. Take that Gilligan and Co. Ok Emma, I get it.

Also! Peter Pan is a MASTER manipulator. He knows how to make his words find their mark. He's very good on preying on the weaknesses that people aren't even fully honest with themselves about. In this episode alone, we watch him manipulate Henry, Rumpel, and Baelfire/Neal. Is it possible that he's not getting his way through magic, but sheer mindfuckery?

Why does this matter?: Rumpelstiltskin, Baelfire, and now Henry have all been Lost Boys. Rumpelstiltskin knew Peter Pan when he (Rumpel) was a boy. So he's been in Neverland (not aging!) since Rumpel was a kid. It's heavily implied that Rumpel knew Peter as a kid, before he somehow became such a Big Bad. What's the story there?

Really OUAT?: The Pied Piper of Hamlin pipes the children away while they sleep. When Rumpel happens upon Hamlin, they're organizing search parties. Rumpel sticks around for the Piper's encore performance, which is spiriting away young men. Those were NOT exactly boys shimmying down those buildings.  But no girls. No young women. So is Pan not taking them, or are the people of Hamlin not that concerned about missing daughters?

At the end of S2, Wendy says that the shadow only keeps boys on the island. Why? The quick 'n'dirty answer then seemed to be that he knew he was looking for a boy. But this Pied Piper business seems to negate that, when he says he wants friends. Does he not want to play with girls? (shut it) Pan seems willing enough to have Emma as a "lost girl". All he seems to want and need around him are people with feelings of abandonment that he can poke at.

Oh Henry!: Henry I-won't-dance-don't-ask-me Mills.You are so great when you are unconscious. You and Aurora should team up. Wonder snooze powers activate!

This is David's 'Oh no you didn't' face.

Wait, what?: All it takes to lure a  fairly-large-although-maybe-not-technically-giant-but-still-plenty-honkin-big squid to the SURFACE is a toot on a conch shell? I WAS PROMISED MERMAIDS.

Also why is everyone so goddamn sold on the idea that Neal is dead? He was SHOT. That doesn't automatically equal dead. Have none of you heard of Suge Knight?

Best Line Exchange: "Why do you care?" "Why don't you?"- David and Hook.
Captain Hook just told Prince Charming to man the fuck up.

Crackpot Theory: Can't take credit for this, but it's an interesting one - Peter Pan is grooming Henry to take over his role. It's interesting, and plausible...but I dunno. Peter seems to like his seat of power just fine. If anything, I think he might want to expand it. Is it possible that Peter is trapped in/by Neverland? A prison that you can control is still a prison.

Random thoughts: GOOD FOR YOU TINK ASKING FOR AN ESCAPE PLAN. You are officially smarter than the United States Congress. I have to wonder about Tinkerbell. I'm not prepared to rule her out as a double agent, and she and Hook CLEARLY have some kind of past-with-a-capital-P. That P can stand for whatever you like.

Getting reeeeeal sick of Halluceno-Belle.  Also Felix. Dear sweet baby Jebus in the manger. LEVELS. Play with them. But Belle. Honey? Self-preservation is not a "nasty habit". It is...I don't know how to be any plainer - it's self-preservation. Not dying. You said that not dying is a nasty habit...for an immortal. That makes no sense.

Apparently there "wasn't enough left [of Greg/Owen] to find anything useful". RIP Ethan Embry maybe. And I saw that smile Regina. Gross. Remember there was a time you wanted to adopt him as a kid and bone his father. Tell us again how you're not a villain?

Oh, and Regina I appreciate you not complaining and nagging to use magic to find Henry, but I'm not sure constant snarking is any better. I'm still not seeing this teamwork we were all so hot for in the first ep of this season.

HIS NAME IS NEAL, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Can we please find a less awkward but still gender-neutral phrase to use instead of 'bail bondsperson'? I like bounty hunter. And are we still not discussing Emma's non-superpower? Ok, good.

We're never going to see Neverland in daylight, are we? We're also never going to see Emma, Snow, or Regina in anything other than impeccable clothing and hair, are we? Is it a royal thing?

You're no Jamie Dornan, but you'll do.

Hook remembers that Milah liked to draw (D'aw.) Now all I can think about is Hook naked on a fainting couch asking to be drawn "like one of your French girls."


Yeah, I'm going to wrap up on Hook Naked.

Monday Recap: Quite a Common Fairy

I've been really looking forward to this episode, and I wasn't disappointed. There is a LOT going on now, lots of plates spinning, lots of balls in the air. But I have to say for an episode with ZERO Rumpelstiltskin, this wasn't bad.

Who did we meet: Tinkerbell, and Robin Hood's ADORABLE son. (RIP Marian)

When and Where did the events take place?: Present Day Neverland, Present Day Enchanted Forest, Pre-Dark Curse Enchanted Forest.

What did we learn?: Hoo boy. There is a difference between FAIRY dust and PIXIE dust. It's important. OF COURSE Aurora and Philip are going to have a baby. Because why rebuild a shattered kingdom when you can make babies? I sort of have to wonder about the circumstances around conception since Aurora's new superpower involves sleeping all the time.

Aurora: ROOFIE RESCUE POWERS ACTIVATE. zzzzzz...

Philip: ....Giggity.

Why is this important?: Why did Tinkerbell want to help Regina anyway?

Oh Henry: I knew last week was too good to last.

Wait, What?: Pan's got a crossbow? Fairies have curfews? That's pretty much bullshit.

Really OUAT?: Robin Hood? Really? Also, his life doesn't seem all that ruined to me. He's got a cute baby, and he's going to get to nail Mulan. #RobinHoodWinning

Best Line: "I will be the judge of what is fairylike!" - Blue Fairy
 First - this is going to be my answer to everything from now on. Second - Shady. Bitch. Third - I think the real reason that the Blue Fairy didn't like Tinkerbell is because Tink's dress wasn't regulation.

Are all fairies called by their wardrobe color? Wouldn't that get kind of limiting? Is it a hierarchy thing? Nova wasn't The 'Pink' fairy. Can I be the 'Puce' fairy?

Crackpot Theories: Ok, this is a big, multi-layered idea. Pretty sure somehow Neverland is laying bare our heroes vulnerabilities. So far the most obvious one is Emma's feeling of abandonment. But we're seeing concrete glimpses of the others. Rumpelstiltskin - cowardice. Snow - being alone. Regina - self sabotage. Charming - physical prowess. Which leads to the next crackpot theory - I don't think David is getting out of this alive. To REALLY break Mary Margaret - David is going to have to die. They're going to have to be separated by something more permanent than distance, magic, marriage to other people, or unconsciousness.

I know what you're thinking - YOU FORGOT HOOK. No, I didn't. But we haven't seen his vulnerability yet this season. We really haven't *seen* it at all. But we've seen glimpses of it. Hook is vulnerable when he falls in love. (D'aw.) It'll be interesting to see what Neal's is.

Neverland is either going to break them, or force them all to believe in something stronger than what they know. All their belief right now comes from externals. They're going to need to believe in something deeper and seemingly less concrete to win.

Win what, though, is the question. Get Henry back, and go home obviously. But this is a weird manifestation of Peter Pan. He's VERY different than any other Peter Pan we've ever seen, not because he's a villain (JM Barrie's Pan is pretty much a douche) but because he remembers and plans.

Peter Pan is always all about instant personal gratification. OUAT's  Peter Pan is manipulating people and circumstances to an end. The question is what end, and why. Simply removing Henry from Neverland isn't going to stop what's already been put in motion.