It's Not Easy Being Green OR The Babe With The SPOILERS

You remind me of the babe.

What babe?

The babe with the power...

Who did we meet: We didn't technically meet* anyone new (Nice to see you again Tink, Blue, Walsh) but were there a lot of Storybrooke randos in this episode? There was one Rider Strong wannabe just lurking about at Neal's funeral and then followed our mournful little gang to Granny's along with an inexplicable elderly couple. I like to think the gangly youth was a former lost boy (REMEMBER WE BROUGHT THEM ALL BACK WITH US FROM NEVERLAND AND PROMISED TO FIND THEM FAMILIES?? Way to abandon a bunch of kids with existing abandonment issues Emma. Good looking out.) who joined up with the Merry Men. Can't explain the septuagenarians. Any suggestions?

*Zelena's unnamed adoptive parents. I feel like you need a name to "meet" a character.

When/Where did the events take place?: Enchanted Forest - Pre-Dark Curse, Post Rumple's Aquisition of Dark Powers. Storybrooke Present Day. Oz...mumblemumble years ago. How old IS Regina? She has to be older than Snow White, because up until the Dark Curse was cast, they were aging at the same rate. So...38? 40? 42?  Which would make Zelena...a year older? Two? There is clearly some bomb-ass moisturizer happening in the EF. Enchanted Botox? Magic!

What did we learn?: Zelena IS indeed Regina's older sister. Unless "The Wizard" was lying.

Why is this important?: Was Walsh-the-Wizard (Seriously dude, first name or last name? Both?) trying to get Zelena to take out...Cora? Regina? Rumpel?...or just to steal their stuff? Cause he's packing some not insubstantial magic of his own with the enchanted floor tiles and the magical shoes. What's his reasoning for telling Zelena about her past - whether it's the truth or a lie?

Wait, what?: Is he The Wizard of Oz, as in - the LAND is named OZ - or is he Oz the Great and Terrible/Powerful? Both? Someone needs to settle this for me.

Oh Henry!: Cool Teen Henry man. I am SO ON BOARD. It's like even REGINA'S given up on parenting at this point. He's like a chia pet. Give him some Mountain Dew  Hot Cocoa w/Cinnamon every three days or so, and leave him by a window with partial light. He will be fine, and TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS to the rampant odd shenanigans going on in this town.  "Oh mom, you're letting me go down to the docks with the scruffy, one-handed, strangely-accented man who hangs around you constantly and never changes his clothes? Cool." #parentingwin

Shut Up Charming-and/or-Snow: Hey Derp-for-brains. Was it smart to bring your extremely preggo wife/self to a magical beatdown? Couldn't you both have just stayed the eff home? They have Netflix in Storybrooke, right?

Really OUAT?: TIME TRAVEL? We're doing this? For realsies? Welp, buckle your retconning seatbelts everyone, because this is going to shake the shit out all your colons.

Rando Thoughts/Unanswered Questions:
It's nice that Hook's everyday leather is funeral appropriate.

Has Zelena kind of tipped her hand? They know what she's after. She's not going to be able to get near Snow's bun-filled oven, and Regina has hidden her heart. As long as Zels has the dagger, does it even matter? She's basically strolling around a quaint New England town with the magical equivalent of a nuclear warhead.

Aw, Regina gave Robin Hood her heart. Also, ick. I understand you are characters from literature, but don't be so danged literal Regina! Does basic biology not have a place in Storybrooke? Obviously not, because magic>science. Sorry Dr. Frankenstein! Also, I was wrong about the heart! She went for Regina's! Because apparently you need brains, heart, and courage for time travel. #DoctorWhoCrossover

Again, I thought this dagger was supposed to be a big old honking secret. Didn't S1 Rumpel straight up murder his mute servant because she maybe might have overheard Rumpel discussing it with Bae? Now it's just common effing knowledge, because Zelena - who grew up in an entirely different REALM - knew about it's existence, how to get it, and how to use it.

WTF is going on in the EF that Rumpel is such a damn catch? Cora. Zelena. Belle. The man is up to his scaly hairline in willing tail! Is power THAT big of an aphrodisiac? Even if it is, the whole place is lousy with princes and kings of unspecified lands. You'd think King George would have taken a second wife if power were that big a thrill, and gone about producing an heir the old fashioned way instead of buying babies on the black market.

I really hope Dr. Whale is working on a flying monkey antidote, and not just chasing after fairy-nuns in Tex Avery fashion. The Dwarves seem HIGHLY unconcerned about their missing bretheren. They are still missing, right?

If Zelena turned the erstwhile Wizard into a flying monkey, then how does the Dorothy Gale story play out? Does Zels turn Walsh human when she needs him to...oh god, just remembered Regina's relationship with Graham and got severely icked out with what ELSE Zelena might be using Walsh for. #prehensiletailpossibilities

Regina slapped Zelena hard enough to draw blood, but NOT hard enough to knock her hat off or even a little bit askew. Magic! Or bobby pins? Only her monkey stylist knows for sure, and he's not telling.

Where's Glinda? Cause we've totes seen this here-are-some-boss-shoes-now-go-take-out-my-competition gambit before.

Why were Zelena's parents on the road to the Emerald City?

Man, I wish that the Wizard had been Jefferson making a bid for power.

This was actually a nice subtle re-frame of Regina, and arguably Cora,  as being born inherently magical, rather than as an adept student of magic. Up until now, Emma was the only human that we knew was born with some innate magic.

Crackpot Theories:
Can the Blue Fairy just reveal her evil puppetmaster plan already? Damn. I've been beating this drum for nearly three seasons, and my arms are getting tired.

It's gonna get bad,

Yeah,it's gonna get worse...

Monday Recap: The Tower

Who did we meet?: Rapunzel. Framing device for the latest magical widget. Is the reference to her dead older brother a clever semi-reference to Sondheim's Into the Woods or another deceased character of color?  Both?

Humor Credit: Lily Sparks

 





What did we learn?: We know what Zelena is after, and it's not (just) the Charming-Snow baby. We saw her go after David's "courage". Which means she's quite probably going after a brain and heart as well - unless she's already got them. I quite literally had a light bulb moment watching tonight's episode when I realized that Rumpel really is the only character in town with any brains. So that just leaves the heart.

Possible candidates for heartsnatching include:

• Henry. Is the heart of the truest believer still true if his memory is wiped?
• Snow. Does her heart still have that 'out out damned spot'?
• Emma. Because...she's ostensibly the protagonist?
• Regina. Because...magical powers? If Zelena gets Henry, does she have Regina's (and/or Emma's) "heart"?
• Hook. This is the one that's most interesting to me. I'll come back to this.

Where and When do the events take place?: The EF between a year or 9 months or so ago. Storybrook present day

Why is this important? This is important: Where. Is. Neal? 1. He seems to be the only unaccounted for party that the Storybrookians are concerned about, 2. Zelena talks to Rumpel about trying to get her hands on what he spent a lifetime seeking? Spent a lifetime seeking, and was never able to find - courage. Rumpel is a self-identified coward. 3. Zelena's got the Dark Dagger which presumably gives her control over Rumpel - last we HEARD about that knife, Belle and Neal were going to find it in the EF. The last we SAW of it, Rumpel was using it to kill (?) Peter Pan.

Wait, what?: Didn't Hook say that Charming and Snow were in trouble? Is he going to follow up on that, or...what? They don't actually seem to be in any more danger than anyone else/any more than usual.

Oh Henry!: Totally still down with Teen Henry. He sleeps, he eats, he plays video games and we dump him at Granny's.

Really OUAT?: We're really going to go after the latest Magical Big Bad without even looking for any of the faries or Rumpelstiltskin? Why is Belle so resigned to Rumpel being dead? Perhaps most importantly - WHO IS RUNNING THE LIBRARY?

Shut Up Charming: I'm actually glad they gave His Royal Derpiness something to do in this episode, but that first scene with Emma was creepy and awkward as HELL.  Her dress was cool though. It sort of made up for the fact that she was wearing Eric's white cable knit sweater the rest of the episode.

Shut Up Snow: I know you're supposed to be innocent and trusting and all but would it kill you to ask for references for the a-little-bit-too-damn-convenient midwife who showed up at your door?  I mean, she was a midwife for more than just the past year that no one can remember, right?

Rando Thoughts/Crackpot Theories:

I think Zelena's got Hook's heart and is using it to control him a la Cora.

I don't think Zelena is actually Regina's half-sister. This week we saw her snatch blood from Rumpel and use it to open the safe. We know she snatched blood from Regina as well, via the flying monkey, which she may have used to open Regina's secret passage to Cora's mausoleum/vault

I think Zelena's end game includes Neal (where else did he go in his bean-jumping-realm travels??) but I don't know why. This  might explain why she sent a monkey after Emma. Did Neal cast a (modified) Dark Curse to bring everyone back to Storybrooke, hoping to wipe memories to escape Zelena and simultaneously get himself back to Emma and Henry?

Or maybe Zelena dangled the potential of Emma in front of Hook to get him to work with/for her and take out Neal?

What's the purpose of  doing the "sisters" reveal, and then wiping Regina's memory? When Regina cast the Dark Curse it wiped everyone's memories except for her, and separated them from their happiness. What's the point of having everyone's memories erased this time around?

Recap: The Miller's Daughter - I don't have to tell you that spoilers dwell here, right?

Who did we meet: Young Cora, Young Princess Eva, and Young Prince Henry (who time is NOT kind to - yipes!)

When and Where did events take place?: Present Day Storybrooke, Pre Dark-Curse Enchanted Forest - it's important to note that this is before Regina's birth, and this is AFTER Rumpel has aquired the seers powers. So Milah and Baelfire are gone at this point.

What did we learn?:  We learned how, when, and why Cora removed her heart. We learned that Rumpelstiltskin CAN die - despite the Dark One having "life eternal". We learned/reiterated that Emma IS magical - as opposed to Cora, Regina, and Rumpel, who either learned or acquired their magical skills. If all magic comes with a price - what is Emma's? (Please OUAT writers, introduce a character named Price as Emma's next love interest.)

Why does this matter?: Cora married Prince Henry and became queen. Why did she need her daughter to become King Leopold's queen? Not clear on that. There seem to be 4 kingdoms in the enchanted forest, and royal title seems to be conferred upon firstborn regardless of gender. So by all means kill Eva, since she seems to have been a right little piece of work - but why did Regina have to be queen of THAT kingdom? There's more to this story, I suspect.

Remaining Questions/Problems: Hook is still out in the wide wide world. That's a concern to someone, right? However - Rumpel is back to full power. Cora is out of the picture. Rumpel can leave Storybrooke without losing his memory, and he's got Baelfire and Belle back, or at least he's got them both within the realm of his magical power. So what does he want now? To kill Hook? To kill Henry? To have all the power? He's arguably pretty dangerous right now.

Oh Henry!: What a great episode. Can we make a habit of ushering Henry off to the diner? Or failing that - school?

Wait, what?: Regina! Let me put a few ithings in perspective for you. Cora killed Daniel. Mary Margaret tricked you into killing Cora. V. grey area. YOU killed your own father, as well as Snow White's - so you win all the awards for patricide. Cora killed Queen Eva. YOU sent Hook to assasinate Cora. Please, let's not play the role of the aggrieved avenging daughter now. Do us all a favor, and schedule some couch time with Archie - OR an actual licensed therapist since you can leave town and all, and give us a break.

Really, OUAT?: So hey, remember that time that Regina was Mayor, and Emma had superpowers that told her when people were lying, and that guy Greg came into town and is texting someone about all the magic he keeps seeing like some kind of modern-day Gladys Kravitz? Yeah, me either.

More on the 4 kingdoms soon!

Monday Recap: The Queen is Dead OR "What's the Good of Being Good?"

Actually on a Monday! Woohoo! And Spoilers Ahead for The Queen is Dead - obviously.

WHO did we meet: Queen Eva. Her name is actualla Eva, right? (King Leopold suspiciously absent.) Johanna...for whatever that was worth. I wouldn't see be surprised if we see her again in flashback. Then again, we may have enough of Snow's backstory at this point

WHAT did we learn: A LOT! A mega f*ckton.  Not the least of which is Cora's penchant for poison.

WHERE and WHEN did events take place: Enchanted Forest - before the Dark Curse. Present-day Storybrooke. Present-day Manhattan.

WHY was this important: Neil has a fiancee. Ok...so what? He has to tell his fiancee that he has a SON. He doesn't *have* to tell her that he's the son of Rumpelstiltskin or that he's (probably) Peter Pan - in fact, it's probably better if he doesn't, because Hello Nuthouse. That'd be the most interesting way to end an engagement ever. So there's this whole section of his life that he can't tell her about. Unless she turns out to be The Little Mermaid. Or a private eye. It'd be interesting if this fiancee is the "her" that Greg (The Outsider) keeps communicating with. ALL THE COINCIDENCES. I doubt it though.

Really OUAT?: "Help us Mother Superior, you're our only hope." YE GODS, WE GET IT. DISNEY OWNS STAR WARS. WE KNOW. WE ARE AWARE. 

Also, Snow White had no idea Johanna was in Storybrooke? Granted, she was a bit distracted after the curse was broken. (True Love, Firstborn Curse-breaking Daughter reunion, sent back through the hat - I get it.)  But come on. I've had the impression that this is NOT a large town. With the restoration of memories, she should have realized that her childhood governess was at least IN TOWN.

AND - we're not even going to try and react to Johanna's heart being ripped out? No roundhouse kick? No hail mary tackle? I know Cora and Regina have magic, but does that mean that Snow White Warrior Princess goes AWOL? And David! You're not just set dressing! Do something heroic. At least TRY. Johanna - you sort of tried. You could have done more, or maybe not. I've never had someone rip my heart out of my chest - you at least have an excuse. But come on - you all had to know that Cora was going to kill her no matter what choice Snow made.

Wait, what?: How does everyone suddenly have knowledge of this dagger? I was under the impression that this was a secret, sort of? Not just the location of the dagger, but its existence. Ok - we all know about the dagger now.

And...we're just going to leave Hook in Manhattan. Without his ship. Granted, they haven't actually LEFT yet, they're just planning to. Still. Bad form. But, I suppose there are worse plans. A swarthy rogue with a hook for a hand...the only place he'd attract less attention than NYC would be Comic-con. If he starts running his mouth, he'll just get locked up.

Crackpot Theories: God I wish I'd posted this here sooner. Clearly Baelfire is Peter Pan. The hints have been pointing in that direction since Tallahassee. I SAID THAT BEFORE THIS EPISODE. I have witnesses. I do. Also, still pretty sure that August isn't making it out of this season alive.

Bae as Peter opens up some really interesting avenues. Father and Son have a common enemy. It adds a layer to Emma and Neil's relationship. (Peter Pan syndrome indeed!)

Don't Trust: The Blue Fairy - although at this point I *might* be willing to concede that she herself is not all evil. I never thought she was ALL evil, just that her motives weren't totally pure. But she was up to some shady business in Storybrooke BEFORE Cora's arrival. So I'm not totally prepared to give up the ghost on this theory. Clearly we can't trust Cora. The question now is how often has Cora pulled this disguise?

Remaining Questions: What was Cora's relationship to Eva? It has to be to her, because when she "meets" King Leopold (The Stable Boy), he doesn't seem to have any prior knowledge of her. So why the venom? (OMG OUAT PAGEANT MOMS!!!) Clearly we're going to learn a LOT more in The Miller's Daughter.

Problems to solve: Cora, obviously. She can't die if she's got her heart hidden away somewhere, and Cora's GOT to die. Otherwise, she'll either control Rumpel, or take his powers and to paraphrase David in his one moment of episodic usefulness or clarity - I don't like either of those options. Even if Cora DOES take the Dark One's powers, then it just becomes a game of hot potato. Someone has to kill Cora to take her powers, and then someone has to kill that person, and so on and so on. WHERE DOES IT END? ...can the person "hosting" the Dark One commit suicide? Noble self-sacrifice and such. Still, I don't see Disney doing seppuku.

Regina is CLEARLY conflicted. She doesn't trust Cora (rightly), and she doesn't trust David and Mary-Margaret (understandably). The one person she MIGHT be able to trust is Emma, since she and Emma have the common goal of doing what's best for Henry. Cora will never really control Regina, unless she controls/has posession of Henry - BUT if she tries, then Regina will immediately distrust her. Cora is on VERY thin ice, and she knows it. She just has to keep everyone else - especially Regina - from knowing it.

Also conflicted is Rumplestiltskin. Is he going to kill Henry? I don't think Rumpel the man actually wants to. I think those are his Dark One powers talking. As much as Henry irks me, I don't want to see him die at Rumpel's hand. Not because I'd particularly miss Henry, but because it would make Rumpel really dastardly.

And Hook - what becomes of Hook when/if he realizes that one of his antagonists is actually Milah's son?


Best Line: "I was always  the queen. You added evil to my name." or "It's a sad truth that the people closest to us are the ones capable of causing us the most pain." Not an original sentiment, but very true.

Oh Henry!: I had something for this, I forget what it was. But really. This kid bugs me. He'd better do something interesting or heroic, but quick. And by heroic I mean "Do a better job acting. Make me like you." I miss Jefferson. And August. Not Dr. Whale though. Or King George. Or Belle. Or Aurora. Or Mulan. Or Greg. Or Ruby. You can all continue your disappearing act for awhile.

Monday Recap - Into The Deep SPOILERS

I started this entry the day after Into The Deep aired, but I am finishing it after Queen of Hearts has aired. So...deal with it. There was a LOT happening in this episode!
 
WHO did we meet: No one new - but lots of allusions to who we might meet. It's interesting to remember that Neverland is the home to mermaids and faries, as well as pirates and lost boys.

WHAT did we learn: Oh boy. A lot. A whole lot. And somehow not enough. With the hearts in her posession, Cora can control those whose hearts she's taken - more so even than we've seen Regina do. (Although the only person we've seen Regina control is Graham, and I don't want to think about when and why she'd have to take his heart out of the vault to make him say what she wanted to hear. Squick.) The magic ink, and the possible promise of a mermaid in our future...or past? Gold says that he has a "private supply", not a stockpile - which seems to imply that he's got a supplier? In other words, he can still get Magic Squid Ink.  Maybe not significant, but Gold can use his magic to put people to sleep and heal.

WHERE and WHEN did the events take place: All the events in this episode take place in the present. Storybrooke, Enchanted Forest, Cora's Lair, The Burning Room

WHY does this matter: Hook taunts Cora, daring her to kill him.But she doesn't. Why? She doesn't especially seem to need him. Maybe it's just fun to see evil team up. Also, even though the Burning  Room exists on some kind of metaphysical plane, you can wake up with actual burns?

Remaining Problems: SO MANY PROBLEMS. Aurora is a puppet-spy! Emma and Mary Margaret are still trapped in the Enchanted  Forest! David is under the sleeping curse! Everyone in Storybrooke is about to have a raging case of PTSD.

Best Line: "Condiments are this world's most powerful magic." - Mr. Gold. Dark One humor...I guess.

Really OUAT?: So...Snow White can just speak bird? Why not just send messages via owl, since we're already using Inferi and Dementors this season.

Educated Guesses: The 'Cora-is-The-Queen-of-Hearts' theory will play out. All the clues are there. I'll be shocked if she isn't.

Strange Coincidence: Cora says to Aurora that when a soul is taken by a Dementor wraith, it travels to another realm. ...just like with the Burning Room and the Sleeping Curse?

Don't Trust: Cora, Aurora, Hook, Gold, Regina, Mulan. Yes, Mulan. She's so rigid in her interpretation of beliefs. In her own upstanding way, she's no different than any of the 'villains'. At the first opportunity she stole the compass and ran. She's hellbent on saving/protecting Aurora. Lucky for Aurora because up until all this Sleeping Curse/Burning Room nonsense she has been USELESS.

Crackpot Theories: None specific to this episode (surprisingly!), but I REALLY want to know what the history is between Cora and Rumpelstiltskin. The exchange between Regina and Gold about Cora is LOADED and FASCINATING. Apparently Cora is the one person who can "unite" the two of them, Gold thought that she was dead, but Regina says that he (Gold) "taught her well". We know that the Dark One's powers render the bearer immortal. So is Cora immortal? Regina seems to think that Cora's return is bad news for the both of them, Gold seems confident that he is more powerful than Cora...or at least that he can "handle" her, and that he "won in the end".  There's some significant history there. Not too crackpot, but it seems like Cora is a very good candidate for the miller's daughter in the Rumpelstiltskin fairy tale