Monday Recap: Ariel or The Prince is Giving A Spoiler Ball!

Who did we meet?: Ariel, Eric, and Ursula (?) and some very oddly dressed court attendees.

 

When/Where did the events take place?: Pre-Dark Curse Enchanted Forest. (Presumeably around the time of the events of Skin Deep), Present Day Neverland.

Wait, What?: It's daylight in Neverland! Probably because all the SPECTACULARLY BAD nighttime CGI took place in the EF. Also they've been there a week. Camping. No one's hair looks like that after a week of camping.

Why does this matter?: Pan can only be killed if Rumpel dies? How does THAT work? Is this like...a Demona/MacBeth thing? Is it worth remembering that Pan is typically depicted with a dagger as his chosen weapon? It's interesting that we keep seeing Rumpel's survival instincts come to the fore.

Oh Henry!: Henry Free - Way To Be! We get so much more ACCOMPLISHED when he doesn't feature. Really, I'm just looking out for productivity here.

Really OUAT?: EVERYONE WANTS NEW DO-OVER BABIES. Since, y'know, we kind of sucked at 'parenting' the first time around.

Crackpot Theories: We've now ruled out Rumpel as the other person in the suspended cage. (Welcome back Robert Carlyle. We missed you.) That leaves Tinkerbell or Greg/Owen as our known knowns. Then there are the unknown knowns and the unknown unknowns. My money is still on Owen/Greg. Rumpel seems so sure that ShadowBelle is Pan's Shadow...I'm not convinced.

Best Line: "Mini Trident!" - Ariel. This was the BEST allusion to the Disney film.

Random Thoughts:

Emma is learning to use magic! From Regina. Anyone else reminded of Zuko teaching Aang to firebend?

Why are everyone's ears huge in this episode???

WEIRD design choices at the Ursula Ball. Epaulets and sashes and foofy tri-corner hats for the gentlemen and...Pzaz clearance rack for the ladies. And no, you can't curtsey in that dress Ariel baby. This is a family show.

Take a drink every time there's a hamfisted allusion to Disney's The Little Mermaid(tm)! Take two every time the allusion is to a song!

Omg. #ShutUpSnow. Please come back and write Jane Espenson. Consulting producer is not enough to keep this ship from listing.

"I can't ask him to give up his dream for someone he just met." - Ariel.  Uh....why not? He asked you to give up your LIFE with little more than a 'Shall We Dance'. I mean damn. Someone had his bossy boots on. This whole situation could be handled with a simple 'why don't we just get to know each other?', or failing that, YOU'RE A MERMAID. FOLLOW THE SHIP. Oh right, True Love means never having to say you're a mermaid. Did anyone else think that Ariel falling in love with Unconscious Prince Eric was a smidge...rapey? Then again I'm sure neither Snow nor Aurora would find it odd. Feminism in the EF. Oy. You're doing it wrong.

What could be in Rumpel's shop that would constitute A Fate Worse than Death? ARE WE GOING TO TURN PETER PAN INTO A PUPPET???

Regina-as-Ursula: THE FUCK is on your face?? Did a BP oil rig explode?

Prince What-Might-Have-Been.

Ursula's the sea goddess, right? I mean, she's either a goddess that merpeople worship OR she's a myth that no one takes all that seriously. Or are there mer-atheists? Ariel dear, there are cracks in your theology. Also, weren't you just in a cheap off the rack prom dress ballgown? Did you change your outfit to stand on the beach at night?

GilMcKinney made a very stiff and bossy sort of Eric. I wish they'd cast Matt Bomer.

Weekend Speculation

"Your acting all season has been
 more wooden than mine right now."

Well, this is it. The culmination of a bizzare, lackluster season. A season that started with tremendous promise and then seems to have shat the bed.

By Kitsis and Edwards own admission their biggest regret of Season 2 was having August/Pinnochio tasered to death, because wood is historically traditionally scientifically not the greatest conductor of electricity.

Biggest Season Two Regret
Eddy and Adam also took a moment to address a major fan complaint this season: The Tasing of Pinocchio. "Here's the thing, we thought, 'We need a real world weapon.'" In the moments in making that decision we never realized the backlash that would be from a taser," Eddy emphatically said. "We just figured the audience assumed it wasn't a taser ... but they didn't. So I got a lot of history lessons about wood and conducting electricity. If I could go back one season and change one thing, I would have made it a syringe. If she had just taken a [glowing] syringe and shoved it into the dragon, no one would give a sh*t. I am sorry we chose a taser. We are willing to take the hit for the taser. We f*cked up." (http://www.etonline.com/tv/133446_Once_Upon_A_Time_Season_2_Finale_Spoilers/)

So we head into "And Straight On Til Morning" on Sunday. Neal/Baelfire has been shot and gone through the portal into another world. We've gained some insight into Hook and Baelfire's past relationship - that is, that they had a past relationship.

Here's what we know:

• Neal and Emma are Henry's biological parents
• Neal is Baelfire, Rumpelstiltskin's biological son
• Rumplestiltskin believes that Henry will be his undoing, based on the prophecy of the seer.
• Neal and Emma both traveled to other worlds through the Blue Fairy's involvement.
• Rumpelstiltskin says that fairy magic doesn't mix well with what he is
• Emma is inherently magical - The Chosen One, born of true love destined to break the Dark Curse. She hasn't actually broken it yet. 
• Shortly after being sent to A World Without Magic, Baelfire is taken to Neverland.
• In Neverland, you don't age. Hook goes there with the intent of giving himself unlimited time to plot his revenge against Rumpelstiltskin, since The Dark One has "life eternal". (But can apparently be killed by poison. Whatever.)
• Rumpelstiltkin is the "crocodile" responsible for cutting off Hook's hand - and killing his True Love - Milah.
• Milah is Rumpelstiltskin's former wife, and Baelfire's mother.
• There are faries in Neverland, according to Wendy.

Here's what we don't know:

• We don't know why The Shadow is kidnapping boys to Neverland.
• Where Neal is now.
• What happens to Baelfire while he is in Neverland.
• How Baelfire/Neal gets back from Neverland to A World Without Magic.
• What Hook and and Baelfire's relationship is to one another.
• How Henry got his book of Fairy Tales - weren't we promised that this season?

Shady. Bitch.

Is it possible that The Blue Fairy is playing a bigger end game than Rumpel? Both Emma and Neal made it to A Land Without Magic through her involvement. But Baelfire/Neal was born and went through the portal LONG before Emma was conceived or even thought of. So a mysterious magical force, coming from a land which houses mermaids and faries is kidnapping young boys and keeping them in a land where they don't age for reasons unknown. But we know Neal leaves Neverland somehow. In time to meet Emma and father a child. A child who is now being prophesied/assumed to be the undoing of The Dark One.

Rumpelstiltskin's willing to chalk Regina's adoption of Henry up to 'fate'.  I'm not so sure.

I also still think that Bae is the reason that Hook knows about Rumpel's dagger. I can't help but wonder if/when Baelfire finds out that Rumpelstiltskin is actually the person responsible for Milah's death.

I'm not so sure that Baelfire IS Peter Pan. I'll be pleasantly surprised if he's not.