Monday Recap: Quiet Minds OR Pruning the Family Tree.

I never did a Monday Recap on the episode Witch Hunt, which was the second ep of the WWoTW story arc. I took a bunch of notes, but nothing really came together and it was a hectic week and blah blah excuses. I went back and watched it a few times, went over my notes some more, and just couldn't glean (or produce) anything useful, and until this week I thought 'ho hum, filler episode'.

But there are some little clues thrown into Witch Hunt which are starting to make more sense, which I will get to in a bit.

Who did we meet?: Lumiere, who is not so much a 'who' as a plot device. This show might need to change it's name to Shiny Objects, because we're introduced to a new one every freaking week. Why is this the first we're hearing of the Dark Vault? How did Zelena get the dagger?  Why, if Rumpel IS dead, is his name still on it? And why in death, since he DID apparently die, didn't Rumpel's dark powers just revert to the vault leaving him mortal and dead? Whatever - Robert Carlyle, never leave us again, ok?

When and Where did the events take place?: Enchanted Forest within the past year (give or take) Storybrooke present day. We have zero frame of reference for the EF timeline beyond 'one year ago'. But we can infer that Belle and Neal are off searching for the Dark One at about the same time as Snow, Charming, Regina, Robin And The Rest are trying to invade the castle which is blocked off by Zelena's trademark green protection spell. And while Hook is off searching for his ship and not at all concerned about finding his freaking first mate who is possibly still a rat. People in the Enchanted Forest are bad at relationships. Granted all this repeated memory loss can't be good for anyone's amygdala.

What did we learn?: Apparently Neal sent the msg to Hook to find Emma. There's some precedent for that, I guess. Here's the weird thing. Hook has more memories than anyone else seems to. Everyone else in Storybrooke remembers Regina casting the spell, and then nothing. They have NO memories of the Enchanted Forest. Hook remembers going back, meeting Philip and Aurora, and then going off on his own to find his ship. But the question is, if Neal had been subsumed by Rumpel - how and when did he manage to get a message and a potion to Hook? And if Zelena did cast the new curse - how did Hook get back with memories intact? The upcoming episode - Jolly Roger - is going to be very interesting.

Wait, What?: Did Zelena call that flying monkey 'beautiful one' or 'dutiful one'? According to the semi-reliable captions, it's beautiful, but...that's an odd name for a minion, right?

Why is this important?: Zelena is the Wicked Witch of the West and Emma is still The Savior. Glad we got that settled.

Oh Henry!: He HAS gotten better. Or maybe I just appreciate his disdain for not-New York Bagels. Or I'm okay with this OUAT: CSI step-aside-and-let-the-grownups-handle-this format. Pick one. I'm fine with any of these options.

He's not only merely dead,
He's really most sincerely dead.
Or maybe not, because magic!

Really OUAT?: Opening the Dark Vault meant Neal was cursed, right? Emma, we're not going to give True Love's Kiss the old Snow-Charming try? Granted, True Love's Kiss RARELY lives up to it's own hype, but still. For the sake of family honor, give it a go. No? Ok, dead baby daddy then.


Rando Thoughts/Crackpot Theories:
Zelena wants what she doesn't have.You guys. She's making herself a family. She needs a heart, a brain and some courage/nerve for her ideal partner, and she's got a baby already baking. One of the first things she says in Witch Hunt as she's rifling through Regina's jewelry is that it could feed a family for a year. It might just be an offhand, throwaway comment, but somehow I doubt it.

She's got courage* and a brain - both taken from men, and I'd be willing to bet the heart will be taken from a man too. We'll see if she's goes after Hook's. Other candidates still include:

• Emma. It's worth remembering that when Cora tried to snatch her heart, she was unable to do so.
• Henry. Heart of the truest believer? Would DEVASTATE Regina. But he's also got that spell cast on him that makes his heart "unstealable".
• Unknown Baby. Pure heart, uncorrupted maybe?
• Snow. We know her heart was corrupted at one point.
• Regina. Also probably in possession of a corrupted heart.
• Robin. I'm going to include him because of my theory that Zelena's going to hold to her pattern of targeting men. He may emerge as newly vulnerable, True Love, etc etc.
• Sidney Glass, Anton, King George. Because if she wants to fly her broomstick under the radar, literally no one will notice they are and have been missing for ages.

Wanting a family makes some sense, if her story about being Cora's firstborn is true. All we know is that she had a less than ideal upbringing in Oz, and we can assume that Cora had absolutely NO hand in raising her. In fact, she quite specifically mentions her father and his desire to keep up appearances despite his shaking hands. This begs the question of who her father might be, and what the story is around her formative years. I'm still not sure I buy the half-sister thing though. We SAW her take Regina's blood, and then the blood lock on the vault was open. In the following episode we saw her take Rumpel's blood and use it to open the blood lock on the safe in the pawn shop. If she is Cora's elder daughter and she used her own blood to open the vault, then what did she need Regina's blood for?

We've seen Regina and her pixie-dust-appointed-lover Robin Hood meet twice now. They're undeniably showing some chemistry, but I think that says more about the actors than it does about the writing and the pairing making any kind of sense. The important thing about the characterization is that Robin acknowledges that Regina is formidable, and doesn't back down from it, or feel the need to stand up to it. He just kind of lets her be and enjoys the view. I have to wonder where Tinkerbell and ALL the fairies are. (Shady Bitch.) I still miss Nova. I want her and Grumpy to get their boat and sail around the world. Why should Snow and Charming get the only happy ending?

Fun fact that I actually heard from a friend who is "expecting", OJ really does perk up some fetuses in utero! Sonogram techs actually recommend that expecting moms drink orange juice or lemonade before getting sonograms doene. So maybe Zelena IS actually a midwife. Or maybe she knows how to use Google. BURN HER!!!

*Perhaps not coincidentally, Charming's courage is represented by his "sword". #phallicsymbolism

Monday Recap: The Tower

Who did we meet?: Rapunzel. Framing device for the latest magical widget. Is the reference to her dead older brother a clever semi-reference to Sondheim's Into the Woods or another deceased character of color?  Both?

Humor Credit: Lily Sparks

 





What did we learn?: We know what Zelena is after, and it's not (just) the Charming-Snow baby. We saw her go after David's "courage". Which means she's quite probably going after a brain and heart as well - unless she's already got them. I quite literally had a light bulb moment watching tonight's episode when I realized that Rumpel really is the only character in town with any brains. So that just leaves the heart.

Possible candidates for heartsnatching include:

• Henry. Is the heart of the truest believer still true if his memory is wiped?
• Snow. Does her heart still have that 'out out damned spot'?
• Emma. Because...she's ostensibly the protagonist?
• Regina. Because...magical powers? If Zelena gets Henry, does she have Regina's (and/or Emma's) "heart"?
• Hook. This is the one that's most interesting to me. I'll come back to this.

Where and When do the events take place?: The EF between a year or 9 months or so ago. Storybrook present day

Why is this important? This is important: Where. Is. Neal? 1. He seems to be the only unaccounted for party that the Storybrookians are concerned about, 2. Zelena talks to Rumpel about trying to get her hands on what he spent a lifetime seeking? Spent a lifetime seeking, and was never able to find - courage. Rumpel is a self-identified coward. 3. Zelena's got the Dark Dagger which presumably gives her control over Rumpel - last we HEARD about that knife, Belle and Neal were going to find it in the EF. The last we SAW of it, Rumpel was using it to kill (?) Peter Pan.

Wait, what?: Didn't Hook say that Charming and Snow were in trouble? Is he going to follow up on that, or...what? They don't actually seem to be in any more danger than anyone else/any more than usual.

Oh Henry!: Totally still down with Teen Henry. He sleeps, he eats, he plays video games and we dump him at Granny's.

Really OUAT?: We're really going to go after the latest Magical Big Bad without even looking for any of the faries or Rumpelstiltskin? Why is Belle so resigned to Rumpel being dead? Perhaps most importantly - WHO IS RUNNING THE LIBRARY?

Shut Up Charming: I'm actually glad they gave His Royal Derpiness something to do in this episode, but that first scene with Emma was creepy and awkward as HELL.  Her dress was cool though. It sort of made up for the fact that she was wearing Eric's white cable knit sweater the rest of the episode.

Shut Up Snow: I know you're supposed to be innocent and trusting and all but would it kill you to ask for references for the a-little-bit-too-damn-convenient midwife who showed up at your door?  I mean, she was a midwife for more than just the past year that no one can remember, right?

Rando Thoughts/Crackpot Theories:

I think Zelena's got Hook's heart and is using it to control him a la Cora.

I don't think Zelena is actually Regina's half-sister. This week we saw her snatch blood from Rumpel and use it to open the safe. We know she snatched blood from Regina as well, via the flying monkey, which she may have used to open Regina's secret passage to Cora's mausoleum/vault

I think Zelena's end game includes Neal (where else did he go in his bean-jumping-realm travels??) but I don't know why. This  might explain why she sent a monkey after Emma. Did Neal cast a (modified) Dark Curse to bring everyone back to Storybrooke, hoping to wipe memories to escape Zelena and simultaneously get himself back to Emma and Henry?

Or maybe Zelena dangled the potential of Emma in front of Hook to get him to work with/for her and take out Neal?

What's the purpose of  doing the "sisters" reveal, and then wiping Regina's memory? When Regina cast the Dark Curse it wiped everyone's memories except for her, and separated them from their happiness. What's the point of having everyone's memories erased this time around?

OH SHIT YOU GUYS.

OUAT might have actually done something clever this time.

Remember that time in New York City Serenade Hook said he had a life to get back to? "A Pirate's Life". That probably made most people think of this (lyrics start at 2:30):

But remember - we're talking about Captain Hook. He's not a Pirate of the Carribean. He's got roots in Neverland. And in Disney's Neverland, the pirates sing THIS:

Ohh, a pirate's life is a wonderful life
A-rovin over the sea
Give me a career as a buccaneer
It's the life of a pirate for me
Ohh, the life of a pirate for me

Ohh, A pirate's life is a wonderful life
They never bury your bones
For when it's all over
A jolly sea rover drops in on his friend Davy Jones
Ohh, his very good friend Davy Jones.

Ohh, a pirate's life is a wonderful life
You'll find adventure and sport
But live every minute
For all that is in it
The life of a pirate is short...

Monday Recap: New York City Serenade OR Touched by A Primate

 Diving right in. It's been three gosh-darn months. Spoilers ahead.

Zeleeeeeena. Zelena. Zzzzzelena.
Nope, I'm just going to call you Adele Dazeem.

Who did we meet?: Walsh. So, there's that. (Is that supposed to be his first name, or his last name, or what?) And new and puberty improved Teen Henry! Now almost entirely self-parenting! And that green chick who is neither Theodora or Elphaba. NEW ORIGIN STORIES FTW!! Apparently her name is "Zelena".

When and Where did the events take place: Who the eff even knows. Now. A year ago. The Enchanted Forest, New York, and back in Dear Old Storybrooke where there's a curse in effect that traps everyone and wipes them of a year of their lives.

Why is this important?: The 8 months of simian surveillance?

Wait, What?: They're cursed BACK to Storybrooke, but they don't know how, or by whom, or why, or what the affects are other than that Snow's now knocked up (gross) and that they've lost a year.

Really, OUAT?: Really? You're going to do this? You're going to bring up Emma's unreliable "superpower" which doesn't work when her uterus emotions get in the way of it being AT ALL USEFUL? Unless you're going to turn Emma into a cyborg (Next reboot) she's clearly going to continue having a metric fuckton of emotional issues, so can we stop referencing this PLEASE?

Oh Henry!: The Confunded Heart of The Truest Believer. Now HE'S the one that needs to be sold on magic? Oh geez. Where's that book?

Shut Up Snow: "He's kind of cute, isn't he?" Are we ABSOLUTELY SURE that Snow's heart didn't shrivel down into a charcoal briquette? I know that 'Dark Snow' storyline sort of petered out, but did anyone, y'know, check? How are you immediately going from being separated from your daughter again to  - que sera sera, but OMG BOYS!

Shut Up Charming:  Hey, Mr. "I Will Always Find You". Could you maybe NOT piss on Neal's parade to find Emma and Henry? Thanks.

Crackpot Theories: Hook's gonna die. I really really really hope I'm wrong on this one, but this show kills off two types - ethnic minorities and male eye candy. So unless Hook undergoes a sex change (OR BECOMES A PREADOLESCENT PUPPET) or gets un-hot somehow, pretty sure he's not making it out of this season alive. It's early yet - which is what makes the theory pretty crackpot, but when Emma tells Walsh that she can't marry him because a "ghost" from her past has returned...it's sort of an odd, awkward choice of words. Which makes me think that this is OUAT attempting to be forshadowy and clever. Also, if he is going to die, I forgive him that "A pirate's life" line.*

About the current...curse, I guess? Still too early to tell. According to David, we know that everyone is back in Storybrooke, with memories of who they are intact, but no memory of the past year. Hook swears that Charming and Snow are in danger, but they seem fine. A couple of theories spring to mind.

• The Wicked Witch re-cursed everyone to get to Emma because...Revenge? (OMG THE WICKED WITCH IS EMILY THORNE! IT ALL MAKES SENSE.) We can guess that she's the one who sent the flying guest star monkey after her in NYC. Which means she has some idea who Emma is. Or the monkey could be a red herring. Something about all of this suggests "trap", but for who and to what end?

• Neal cast the curse to get back to Emma and Henry. He *says* he doesn't want to, but it kind of seems like he will cast the curse, if it comes to that. He and Belle are going looking for that dagger because Scooby Doo and the Clue Crew don't know what to do if there isn't a magic maguffin to chase after. (Sidebar: Does Belle not seem all that upset about Rumpel's disappearance/death?) I assume looking for the dagger and by extention, Rumpelstiltskin, means that Neal is going to go looking for some serious magic. What we've seen of the curse so far also seems pretty benign. If Neal did have to reinstate the Dark Curse to get him back to A Land w/o Magic, having people lose a year's worth of memories seems like a small price to pay.

• The Blue Fairy or Rumpel cast the curse. Without knowing where they are or what they're up to, this is a hard one to back up. They're both powerful enough, and they have the know-how.

And back to what makes this show fun - the mysteries! Who is the Wicked Witch, and what's with the oblique references to revenge...against Regina? And why go after Emma? Again, unless Walsh is meant to throw us (or someone else) off the trail.

Random Thoughts: Did EVERYONE get red highlights in their hair? Was that the price of magic? Regina, Aurora, Belle...please god, let this mean that when we see Mulan, she has Rufio's hair. Also, Ariel's going to be PISSED.

There's a memory potion now, because of course there is.

Do Aurora and Philip just live in a...field? That seems like an unsafe place for a breeding woman.

How did the NYPD not lock Hook in a mental institution?

Robin, do you NOT know who's in that protected castle?!? What do you DO in the woods, exactly? OR IS THIS A SET UP?

Talk about Fairy Tales - No man in NYC (on earth) proposes marriage to a woman in her 30's after 8 months of dating.  Even Aiden Shaw waited over a year - and that was AIDEN "GODDAMN IT WOMAN MY BABYMAKER CLOCK IS TICKING" SHAW.

Enchanted Forest Roll Call: Snow, Charming, Regina, Neal/Baelfire, Ruby, Granny, Belle, Hook, Jiminy "I'm an actual bug again" Cricket, The 7D (I'm going to assume all seven are accounted for, even though I didn't actually count) and all their stuff. The "50" that vaguely materialize somewhere offscren must include AT LEAST:
- Ariel and Eric
- Gepetto and Pinocchio
- Ashley/Cinderella? ...et al?
- Maleficent...?
-Tinkerbell.
-All the Fairy-nuns? (Nova where are you, we miss you.)
-The Darlings...? (Wow, how much would THAT suck??)
-Pongo.
- Smee (who is possibly still a rat?)
-The denizens of The White Rabbit bar.
-The nice old library man from S1.
-Sidney Glass/Nurse Ratchet/The guy with the mop in the mental institution...?
- Dr. Whale...?
- King George...?
-Anton/Tiny?

Rumpelstiltskin and Peter Pan are very much NOT accounted for, which is to be expected to a certain degree so that they can do a big ol' ratings grab when Robert Carlyle returns, and that's fine - but I'm a little bit more concerned about where Rumpel's magical stockpile went.