Mon...Tuesday...Oh jeez - WEDNESDAY FREAKING RECAP. Queen of Hearts. SPOILERS (that are probably not spoilers anymore because you've seen it)

WHO did we meet: The Queen of Hearts! Not so much a 'meet' as a confirm-and-reveal, but there it is.

WHAT did we learn: How Cora and Hook met! Through Regina. Through Belle. Who he was looking for as a way of finding a weapon to kill Rumpelstiltskin...which he learned about, how? Also portals! Portals have now been used successfully travel to and from Storybrooke/Enchanted Forest. And we know that there's an Enchanted Forest to return TO. There is a land where magic is in all things and follows predictable rules. That's got to appeal to someone.

WHEN and WHERE do the actions take place: Present Day Storybrook, Pre-Dark Curse Enchanted Forest, Pre-DC Wonderland, Present Day Enchanted Forest.

WHY does this matter: ...the compass? It was the goal of like a 5 episode arc. I would think  it'd have more of a purpose than hang the eff on and jump into the water. Also, apparently it's not necessary to steer a pirate ship. Through realms. That were opened  by an INSTANTLY RESUSCITATED BEAN FROM CONVENIENTLY DRILLED MAGIC WATER. /rant

Remaining Problems: Oh poor Regina. Someone in the royal family needs to teach Henry some courtly manners - INVITE THE WOMAN TO DINNER. She went against all sense and at the very least her own interests and did (what appeared to be) a Very Risky Thing all because Henry tossed a schmaltzy line at her. Perhaps Regina needs more time on the couch with Archie. Oh and Hook and Cora are in Storybrooke. ISSUES.

Best Line:Yeah, I came up empty on this one. Suggestions?

Wait, What?: How does Regina know who Hook is, where he's from, and what he's after? And Regina knows how to kill Rumpelstiltskin?? And Regina has Jefferson's Hat??? When did Regina become the one holding all the magical cards? And when did Regina even have the chance to tell Rumpel that Cora was dead? (Dammit I'm going to have to go back and watch Season 1...)

Hey remember that guy...?: August? Neil? Jefferson? King George? Dr. Whale? Bueller?

Are you still here?: Aurora and Mulan. And while we're at it - Henry. You can all just...go.

Look who got a bigger budget!: Wardrobe! Specifically Regina's. But yikes, that high-collared black number when she was saying goodbye to Cora was a tad much. Elton John is going to be upset when he finds out you borrowed his formal cape without asking....and without borrowing the matching boots and piano.

Don't Trust: The Blue Fairy. I'm going to keep beating the drum on this shady bitch. We haven't seen her in awhile. And she is going to be fit to be tied when she finds out that the magic diamond crystals are gone.

Really OUAT?: Cora's just going to put a dome (Simpsons did it) over a whole swath of Enchanted Forest protecting it from the Dark Curse with a simple 'You Shall Not Pass' with her staff? Maybe Rumpel should be worried.

Strange Coincidence: In the SAME episode we see two unsuccessful attempts to steal a heart. Cora's heart can't be stolen/ripped (at least not by usual means), and neither can Emma's.

Educated Guesses: We're going to have to figure out where Cora's horcrux heart is to defeat her. This is problematic by itself, compounded by the fact that we know she's jumped through at LEAST three realms now.

Crackpot Theories: It's hard to form any around this episode. A lot of loose-ish ends got tied up for Winter Break. There's no reason for the Charming-Snow-Swan family to even get involved in this impending battle. Hook is after Rumpel and Cora is after (?) Regina. They could, theoretically, ditch Storybrooke for the Enchanted Forest. They won't, of course...and I'm sure at some point in 2013 they'll wonder why they didn't bail when they had the chance.

Sometimes it's not about finding the answers - SPOILERS SWEET BABY JEBUS IN THE MANGER SPOILERS

If you haven't seen Tallahassee yet - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

The obvious question is, what's in the box? This is classic Horowitz/Kitsis sleight of hand. They direct all of our attention to the box, make us salivate with curiosity over what could possibly be in the box  that August shows to Neil to make him believe in Emma's grand and glorious destiny as The Savior.

And what's in the box is a mystery, to be sure. An important one. But asking what's in the box is the wrong question.

The question is WHY would Neil have any reason/be predisposed to believe in Fairy Tales? There is arguably, nothing that August would have or could get and could keep in his possession that would persuade any average two-bit hustler person that Fairy Tales are a Real True Thing. August isn't trying to convince Neil that Fairy Tales are real. He doesn't have to - he has to do that with Emma. He has to convince Neil that they both KNOW THE SAME THING.

Monday Recap - Into The Deep SPOILERS

I started this entry the day after Into The Deep aired, but I am finishing it after Queen of Hearts has aired. So...deal with it. There was a LOT happening in this episode!
 
WHO did we meet: No one new - but lots of allusions to who we might meet. It's interesting to remember that Neverland is the home to mermaids and faries, as well as pirates and lost boys.

WHAT did we learn: Oh boy. A lot. A whole lot. And somehow not enough. With the hearts in her posession, Cora can control those whose hearts she's taken - more so even than we've seen Regina do. (Although the only person we've seen Regina control is Graham, and I don't want to think about when and why she'd have to take his heart out of the vault to make him say what she wanted to hear. Squick.) The magic ink, and the possible promise of a mermaid in our future...or past? Gold says that he has a "private supply", not a stockpile - which seems to imply that he's got a supplier? In other words, he can still get Magic Squid Ink.  Maybe not significant, but Gold can use his magic to put people to sleep and heal.

WHERE and WHEN did the events take place: All the events in this episode take place in the present. Storybrooke, Enchanted Forest, Cora's Lair, The Burning Room

WHY does this matter: Hook taunts Cora, daring her to kill him.But she doesn't. Why? She doesn't especially seem to need him. Maybe it's just fun to see evil team up. Also, even though the Burning  Room exists on some kind of metaphysical plane, you can wake up with actual burns?

Remaining Problems: SO MANY PROBLEMS. Aurora is a puppet-spy! Emma and Mary Margaret are still trapped in the Enchanted  Forest! David is under the sleeping curse! Everyone in Storybrooke is about to have a raging case of PTSD.

Best Line: "Condiments are this world's most powerful magic." - Mr. Gold. Dark One humor...I guess.

Really OUAT?: So...Snow White can just speak bird? Why not just send messages via owl, since we're already using Inferi and Dementors this season.

Educated Guesses: The 'Cora-is-The-Queen-of-Hearts' theory will play out. All the clues are there. I'll be shocked if she isn't.

Strange Coincidence: Cora says to Aurora that when a soul is taken by a Dementor wraith, it travels to another realm. ...just like with the Burning Room and the Sleeping Curse?

Don't Trust: Cora, Aurora, Hook, Gold, Regina, Mulan. Yes, Mulan. She's so rigid in her interpretation of beliefs. In her own upstanding way, she's no different than any of the 'villains'. At the first opportunity she stole the compass and ran. She's hellbent on saving/protecting Aurora. Lucky for Aurora because up until all this Sleeping Curse/Burning Room nonsense she has been USELESS.

Crackpot Theories: None specific to this episode (surprisingly!), but I REALLY want to know what the history is between Cora and Rumpelstiltskin. The exchange between Regina and Gold about Cora is LOADED and FASCINATING. Apparently Cora is the one person who can "unite" the two of them, Gold thought that she was dead, but Regina says that he (Gold) "taught her well". We know that the Dark One's powers render the bearer immortal. So is Cora immortal? Regina seems to think that Cora's return is bad news for the both of them, Gold seems confident that he is more powerful than Cora...or at least that he can "handle" her, and that he "won in the end".  There's some significant history there. Not too crackpot, but it seems like Cora is a very good candidate for the miller's daughter in the Rumpelstiltskin fairy tale

So overdue. So many questions. Spoilers

I'm way behind on my monday recaps, but now I have all the weeks to catch up on that plus more OUAT speculation. But just two quick - 'Wait, what?' moments from The Queen of Hearts episode

1. Why did the compass matter?

2. Hook goes to where Belle is being kept in Regina's prison with the hope that she knows how to get to the weapon that will defeat Rumplestiltskin.He feeds her what is possibly a cock-and-bull story about her father's life being in danger. Hook grills Belle about a magical weapon that has the power to kill Rumplestiltksin. He doesn't know what the weapon is, or where to find it. But how does he even know such a weapon exists? We've now seen TWO swarthy, charming rogues going after this weapon. On whose orders.

Shady bitch.

Charming Rogues

Forgive the metaphor, but while the apple may not fall far from the tree, sometimes it rolls down the hill. For where Snow White found her Prince "I will always find you" Charming...

If you like it then you'd better put a ring on it.

The types of men that Emma seems to attract definitely tend  to have feet of clay. But who's looking at their feet? Beginning with the dashing former Sheriff/Huntsman Graham...

Moment of silence, requiem et en terra pax, etc etc.

And (arguably) moving on to A Not-so-Little Wooden Boy

Could you not look quite so bored, Emma? Some of us are trying to live vicariously. Thanks.

Taking a brief detour via Wonderland....

Yes. This. Times a million.

 

And now trapped in the Enchanted Forest with the epitome of the trope...

You're yummy, but I don't trust you.

there is no doubt that Emma Swan attracts charming rogues.

And sometimes even makes SUPER ANNOYING babies with them.

'So what?' you might ask. Once is, after all, a popular show airing in primetime on a major US network. It's not like they're going to cast unattractive rogues. But go back and look at those pictures again. Notice anything similar?

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Emma's got a type, for sure. A very tasty type. Curly dark hair. Distinctive eyes. Swarthy features. All roughly in their early to mid 30's. These are all features we've seen on someone before. Coincidence?

The question is - does Emma attract the type, or is she attracted TO the type?

Curiouser and curiouser...

Magic wands

If a hat without magic is just a hat - then it follows that a wand without magic is just a stick.

Now that magic has been found in Storybrooke, does this mean that the fairy-nuns are going to use rulers?

Monday Recap - Child of the moon SPOILERS

WHO did we meet: Billy/Gus, Anita, Quinn...and look how well that worked out.

WHAT did we learn: Ruby still transforms, and she can control herself when she does. But we sort of knew that. When Snow attacks the castle trying to save Charming, Red is there as a scout/weapon.

WHERE did we go/When did the events take place: Nowhere new - Present Day Storybrooke and the Enchanted Forest before the castle was taken back by Charming and Snow, before Regina cast the Dark Curse.

WHY does this matter: Ruby/Red's whole backstory. Why does it matter? We know that Ruby has some wolf-tendancies while human (heightened senses, tracking) and we didn't need a whole episode to learn that she transforms.

Remaining Problems: Granny's a wolf, but doesn't turn. She "took" Red away from her mother. IS Anita Granny's daughter/daughter in law? Where's Red's father? Does it matter? Do we care?

Best Line: "Once one controls something, one no longer need fear it" - Rumplestiltskin  Wow. Talk about your loaded lines. So who's controlling whom?

Best Line Runner-Up: "You have wolf hearing too?" "It's not all it's cracked up to be. Especially in a hotel." - Belle and Granny. Hahahaha! Gross.

Really OUAT?: You introduce/reveal THREE new characters, and kill them ALL? Bad form. Also, Ruby is AWFULLY ready to go out and be decimated by an angry mob. Self-hating werewolf. Why don't more people in town seek therapy? I miss Archie.

Educated Guesses: With the incineration of the remains of Jefferson's Hat, one avenue of travel is closed. Maybe. Unless we can use the ashes of those too. But as Jefferson says, a hat without magic is only a hat. They still have the magic. The hat might not actually matter.

Well THAT didn't take long: The burning room! I didn't think we'd see it quite so soon.

Don't Trust: Spencer/King George. Obviously. Now that he's been outed as someone with a grudge against David - so the turn-the-town-against-him gambit probably won't work again. Now he's a man with truly nothing left to lose, he's arguably more dangerous.

Crackpot Theory: This actually isn't so crackpot - I think George is going to try and take Henry. If he does, he's going to stoke the ire of Regina, and possibly Gold as well - who seems to have a strange, unexplained fondness for Henry. It could be that Henry reminds him of Baelfire - but I think there's more to it than that.

Monday Recap - Tallahassee SPOILERS

Trying to give myself a comprehensive recap format. Let me know what you think!

WHO did we meet: Neil Cassidy, The Last Giant

WHAT did we learn/do we know: A lot! We learned the identity of our Mystery Man from the premiere. We can safely assume that Neil is Henry's father.(It is never safe to assume ANYTHING.) We learn how long August has been tracking Emma, albeit with a very well funded vacation somewhere in between. We can see more of the fact that Hook is one of the few characters we've seen who actually seems fairly knowledgable about realm-jumping. The others are Jefferson (who seems to understand the rules that govern his hat), Rumplestiltskin (who has a compelling reason to learn all he can about realm jumping, but can't seem to do it himself?), and The Blue Fairy (who seems to have some knowledge of ways and means - but, like Rumplestiltskin, can't seem to manage it with her own magic.).

WHERE did we go: Enchanted Forest, Up the Beanstalk, Storybrooke, Portland, OR

WHEN did the events take place: Present Day, 11 years ago

WHY does this matter: Tallahassee. Title of the episode, and yet it's someplace we never go. We know Emma spent two years there. We have an idea why. We also know that Mr. Gold orchestrated Regina's adoption of Henry, and we can assume Emma went there after giving birth/getting out of jail.

Connections: Henry and Aurora had the same dream? Both were recently affected by/awakened from the Sleeping Curse.

 Remaining Questions: The big questions are obvious - what did August show to Neil to get him to listen, and what's up with the dream? Smaller question - why didn't August just go to Emma once he had found her? I would think it'd be easier to convince an 18 year old drifter/thief that she's got an epic destiny than a 28 year old cynical bounty-hunter. Is Neil Cassady's name an homage or a clue?

Best line: "The victors get to tell the story" - The Last Giant. I think this is an important sentiment, and something I've been harping on since last season. Why are they called Fairy Tales anyway??

Really OUAT?: We couldn't do something to modify Jorge Garcia's voice to make it sound more...menacing? Giantlike? Supernatural?

Educated Guesses: We will see this windowless, doorless room with the bloodred curtains on fire later in the season.

Don't trust: Hook. Clearly we're setting up some romantic conflict here, but I don't trust him. He may believe in "good form", but he's an opportunist. And I think we're missing something important in the fact that Hook and Smee have been separated. Regardless of what Smee was after, I doubt Hook would have let him live (and become first mate!) if he hadn't seem that Smee would be useful. So somewhere between Neverland/The Enchanted Forest/Storybrook, the ONLY pirate (besides Milah) that Hook had use for somehow wound up in Storybrooke, which is exactly where he's trying to get to now?  Doubt that's a coincident. However honorable the captain may be deep down, I think his only real motivation right now is revenge.

Crackpot Theory: I think we're due for a sacrifice this season, and I think August is going to be it. Last we saw him (in the present day), he was alive, but had turned back into wood. The same wood, if you remember that was enchanted and fashioned into a wardrobe that functioned as a portal. The same wood whose ASHES are currently believed to be able to still transport between realms. In this episode, we're "introduced" to August, who has been trying to be a good boy - looking for Emma, destiny, etc. But still can't resist temptation - takes off for Phuket with a WAD OF CASH. This is a constant with August. A fallible human being who has serious consequences when he gives in to temptation. Characters like that always seem to wind up being lambs to the slaughter. I suspect present-day August has sought out the Blue Fairy (shady bitch) to entreat her to turn him back into a real boy. Without wands or dust, she has no way to channel the magic, and I think she'll leave him to suffer his wooden fate. I think August will wind up sacrificing himself as a form of redemption.