Monday Recap: A Curious Thing

Who'd We Meet/Shiny Objects?: Galinda. Glinda. Either. Both?

When/Where did Events take place?: Enchanted Forest After the Redacted Dark Curse but before the reinstated Dark Curse (Lite) and Storybrooke Present-Day

Why does this Matter?: What's the deal with the book? Why'd it appear to Mary-Margaret, and not Emma with all her hitherto unsuspected magical skills? Is it because Emma can't read? Is it the magic closet? Is the box magic? Is it Something About Mary... Margaret? (I had to.)

Wait, What?: Why was the GOOD witch banished? Do people generally banish good witches? To entirely different planes of existence? Behind magical doors that lead to glittery snow? IS THIS YOUR WAY OF TELLING US WE ARE GOING TO NARNIA NEXT?

Oh Henry!: Henry...real talk. You're 12.  No, you do NOT deserve to know everything about your mother's bounty hunting, er Bail Bondspersonry. Or failing that, her Deadbeat Dad Rampage. I feel like for all the talk about how great life was in NYC for Em and Henry, that Emma was kind of a laissez-faire parent.

Shut Up Snow:  "After true love there IS no stronger magic than footwear. It HAS to be protected."
This line had SO much potential, and it was just wasted. Here's the problem. Mary Margaret is not clever or witty, and the line was delivered with complete seriousness and sincerity. On the rare occasion that Mary Margaret APPROACHES clever or witty (before they scamper away in terror) she's incredibly proud of herself that she got as close as she did and makes a big damn deal out of her rapier wit. If whoever wanted this line delivered wanted it done 'dry', there was No Good Way to have daffy Mary Margaret do it. I know Regina can't have ALL the snark, and I know it's technically Mary Margaret's closet that we're rifling through - but couldn't we have given this line to Emma?

Really, OUAT?: I was kind of hoping that Regina's abrupt dash to make out in the woods with Robin was a Hail Mary to summon her heart back. You know, True Love's Kiss and all? But no, apparently she just wanted to go from having chitchat with Mary Margaret to making out in the woods in the middle of the night - imminent threat of flying monkeys be damned.

Ok, so an indeterminate amount of time has passed, somehow with all that is going on Robin and Regina found time for a wardrobe change and to put a label on their relationship and to make out in Very Public Hallways, and Mary Margaret remains (surprise!) oblivious. Are they not telling people that they're seeing each other? If not, they may want to cut down on the hallway makeouts.

Rando Thoughts/Remaining Questions:
Can Zelena stop talking like just wants to get it on with everyone? It's getting tedious and icky. She's not just Auntie Zelena, she's Creepy/Funny Auntie Zelena, the one everyone keeps their eye on, and the kids away from at family gatherings.

"You've gathered the entire kingdom for this?" PS: The entire kingdom are the six people in that room, cause Belle just rolls on in all cloaked -  No guards. No bannermen. No staff. Enchanted Forest press conferences are very boring.

I still want to know why the heck Lady Z needed Regina's blood.

I count seven clearly vaporized flying monkeys. So RIP Philip, Aurora, Little John, Walsh and 3 missing dwarves?  So...are Philip and Aurora dead now? Cause that's a bummer and all (not really) but real talk, this show doesn't need TWO new babies screwing up the timeline. Shouldn't Merry Mulan be rending her hair and garments?

If Zelena's got ALL this power, why does she have like zero finesse? If you can travel via puff-of-smoke, why the broomstick? (I suppose one could ask MGM's WWotW the same question.) Why even TELL Hook that his lips were cursed? Just curse 'em and wait. I mean, why even bother telling people she was going to mess with the revised Dark Curse? Zelena's weakness isn't light magic, it's exposition.

"I went to Blue...Tink...all the fairies." Really Grumpy?You went to ALL the fairies? INCLUDING THE ONE THAT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH? The one you sent away in Old Yeller fashion? The one you went to jail for and watched one of your brothers die for trying to bust your ass out of the royal hoosegow? Why do I feel like he may not have consulted Nova?

 "Use mine for the both of us." Well first, D'aw. That line was really cute coming from Robin. But the Charming-Snows with their literal interpretations... the good news is that patient load at Storybrooke General is about to get a LOT lighter! When you consider that the only place to get food in the whole TOWN is at Granny's, and all they seem to serve is burgers - there's probably a transplant donor need list a mile long. Never fear, in Storybrooke, hearts are like kidneys! You only need half of what you were born with to survive. But your donor needs to be your Troo Luv. Sorry dwarves and fairies!

Remember when the dark curse was a big dang deal? And when it required a whole lot of villainy and magic and heavy lifting? Yeah, me neither. Is this new curse like Dark Curse Lite - all of the realm jumpery with none of that pesky separation and time-loop trappiness?

Snow's got a pure heart again? When did that happen? Or did the magical standalone door know that Charming going through it alone would be like sending a golden retriever through the door? Pure hearts are grand and all, but having a few brain cells to rub together is helpful. Thank heaven for Snow White! Snow you're so clever! You remembered the "riddle" we heard twenty seconds ago about a door, and connected it to the RANDO GODDAMN DOOR in the middle of the freaking woods. *slow clap* I kind of love that Charming only remembers that people exist when he can see them. There are clearly only THREE people who can cast the Dark Curse and they are all in the woods RIGHT NOW. Find someone else to do it. You're the freaking King and Queen, no? Offer a reward. Promise fame and glory and titles and nobility and land ownership. If all else fails, you've got all those leftover Lost Boys that no one is using.

It needs to be winter ALL THE TIME because the only way we can "disguise" Her Royal Baby Bump is with lots of wardrobe.

We've all got our memories back! Huzzah! So is Pinocchio a kid still, or...what?