Who did we meet?: Her Royal Majesty (maybe?) Queen of Arrendelle (possibly?) Elsa....The SnowQueen. Is she a good witch, or a bad witch? The smart money is on Elsa as the new Big Bad. But will they redeem her, or kill her? Tread lightly OUAT. This is a new franchise, and its fans are LEGION. That being said...ride that gravy train, I guess. I have many many many doubts.
When/Where did the events take place?: Oh FFS. I can't even. Time Travel. You figure it out. Fun game while watching this episode - when you see Snow White onscreen, yell out whether it is old footage, body double, or puffy Ginnifer (hint: if they're only showing her from the clavicle up, swathed in a cloak, it's Ginny.), also take a shot because it makes the watching more bearable.
Wait, What?: Did Regina get her heart back? Did Rumpel get his brain back? Was there a really lazy - "it was inside you all along" message that I missed? I'm pretty sure the actual blood-pumping muscle and body regulating organ were actually snatched right out their body cavities. Granted there is some precedent for strolling around without your "heart" (Hi Cora!) but as everyone seems to conveniently forget (Hi Henry!) that didn't end well.
Really, OUAT?: Three seasons of arguably more drama than Snow and Charming ever dealt with and Belle and Rumpel skulk away to get married in the woods in the dead of night? By Archie? With one witness? Belle, sweetheart, do you know what a wedding is? Or how to plan one? Typically, there are guests.
Shut Up Charming: Holy Blazing Obliviousness. Charming - did you REALLY not notice a woman being BLUDGEONED INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS from 10 FREAKING FEET AWAY?? His Royal Derpiness rides again.
Shut Up Snow: Can you maybe NOT talk about how you bulshitted the trolls until you're OFF THE BRIDGE THAT THEY LIVE UNDER? I swear, Snow and Charming are like giant pandas. They're real cute and all, but it is a freaking miracle they managed to live long enough to reproduce.
Oh Henry: Nope, I'm cool with Henry in this episode. Largely because he does not feature. I hope that he is deemed royal babysitter next season and is shuttled off to hide from ice stalagmites crashing upon the Wee Baby Neal. Neal Blanchard-Nolan?
The Anachronistic World of OUAT: Charming talks about marriage as a "business transaction" and a "merger". *blinkblink* I must have missed the part where Charming has a subscription to Forbes Magazine in the EF. Also, duh. Marriages between highborn families were never about love. They were about alliances and resources and the ability to reproduce. The idea of marrying for love is A) relatively new and B) completely revolutionary. You didn't marry because you love someone, you married because it's what you do and if you're lucky you come to love each other. But of course that doesn't square with our modern sensibilities.
Rando Thoughts:
Aurora is NOT dead. How very
I cannot decide if I love or hate Evil Disco Queen Regina and her Katy Perry (tm) lashes and those pleather leggings. There's a part of me that loves the way this show plays with Emma and Regina like Barbie dolls. Princess Emma, Hipster Emma, Time Traveling Emma.
Imma just say it - this show officially features too many children for all the retconning and flashbacks, and temporal pauses, and magical michegoss the show wants to incorporate. They abandoned Hansel, Gretel, and Cinderella's baby for this reason, the Neverland arc could only last 10 episodes because they were literally racing against Jared Gilmore's imminent onset of puberty. I feel like that's the real reason they killed off Neal, because they just couldn't keep going back to Dylan Schmid intermittently. Children grow. Whatever else they do, they grow.
Remaining Questions: So so many. Like, so many.
Coronation? Prince Neal? You do know that you live in AMERICA now, and we don't have royalty here, right? Except Beyonce, but that is DIFFERENT.
This is going to bug me - is Henry's last name still Mills? After the Dark Curse Redacted, wouldn't he be Henry Swan now?
We're never going to get a straight answer about that book, are we?
In two more seasons, will time travel go the route of the Dark One's Dagger and The Dark Curse? Originally something mysterious and powerful that only a few could harness, and eventually ubiquitous - everyone knows where to find it and how to use it?
Is Granny's literally the only place in town to have an event? If so, she needs to expand on that B&B business model. Or OUAT could introduce another hardworking entreupreneuress...
Now that The Snow Queen is a factor, are trolls still evil? Will there be good trolls and bad trolls? Is it only trolls that live under bridges that are evil? Perhaps the trolls are just victims of gentrification.
Even though we live in a quaint, secluded coastal New England Town - someone needs to wise all these people up to the fact that they do live in a 21st century quaint secluded coastal new england town. How does this town function? Magic. Why do I keep asking questions like - where do things like food and utilities come from? Magic. NEVER MIND GAMP'S LAWS OF ELEMENTAL TRANSFIGURATION.
How fast do you think Belle will get pregnant?
Who did Hook trade his ship to? Can it not be Blackbeard, please?
See you in October! Until then, Hope! Belief! Faith! Love! Wisdom! Innocence! Courage! Love! Oh - I said that already. Uh...Magic! These will solve all your problems. Toodles!
I saw this episode and was like FML. Especially, you know, the bit with maid Marion. I was like NOOOOOOO!!!!! I mean, Regina and Robin are SOULMATES. So, what now? Also, I guess Regina's heart was returned along with Charming's sword, I feel like that was a scene. I'd have to go back and rewatch to be sure but I'm not going to. Also, I'm pretty sure Gold got his sanity back when Neal abdicated, and as soon as he got his dagger back he got his willpower too. And I'm kind of hating him right now and want to cry every time Belle walks into the room all lovey-faced. And OMG so shameless throwing Elsa in like that. I mean REALLY??? I'm not sure I want to play anymore.
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