I stop caring. My computer stops caring. And by "caring" I mean "working at all". But the fact that I don't care doesn't bother me. The fact that my computer doesn't care doesn't bother me. (it sort of bothers me.) What bothers me is that YOU seem to have stopped caring OUAT.
So here are my I-dont-care-at-this-point-recaps.
Lacey: Is it weird that I'm super curious about the bartender at The Rabbit Hole? Who's he? What's his story? He was interesting! That was some of the more interesting character work I've seen on the show in awhile.
Lacey. Belle. Bad Belle. I have to give them credit, this is an interesting twist on the "Evil Twin" trope. That being said...um, doesn't everyone else in town KNOW who she is? We actually haven't seen this issue addressed. From the time that Sneezy crossed the town line in the beginning of the season (and it can't be a coincidence that he's who Lacey is hustling in pool) we don't know what happens to people who cross the town line and then RETURN to Storybrooke. Mr. Gold seems to not want to...remind Lacey of who she is? Well first he does, but then when it looks like Granny might jog Lacey's memory, he cuts her off. Why? What will happen if people are reminded of their true memories?
Rumpelstiltskin is now VERY dangerous. He has magic. He has Belle. He has Baelfire (in proximity anyway.) Belle WANTS him to use magic to gain and keep power. She now *wants* to be a kept woman. Remember when Belle wanted to be a hero and liked books?
The best thing about this episode was it's TOTAL LACK OF HENRY. Seriously, does this kid go to school. He should be occupied for at least 6 hours out of each day, and he should be sleeping for another 8. Throw in two or three more hours for homework, eating, and general hygene and we should have a MAX of 8 hours of Henry-time per day, which works out to what - 3 minutes an episode? I could handle that.
The Evil Queen: What a horrific episode. The Evil Queen is evil. For those who hadn't been paying attention. She didn't want to be, but fuck it now she is - end of episode. We did learn that Rumpelstiltskin very deliberately planned to bankrupt King George's kingdom - which ostensibly sets into motion the events that lead to Prince James' death, leading Rumpelstiltskin to set David on the throne, all so he can get Cinderella's Fairy Godmother's Wand. I'm also a smidge curious as to when Regina DID learn to shapeshift without assistance.
Second Star to the Right: This entire episode is setup for the season finale, and I don't even care. I should be more excited/invested/curious - but I kind of just want it to be over so I can watch Downton Abbey and Scandal for the summer.
Tamara and Greg/Owen - YOU SUCK as villains. I am bored with you. I am bored with you using "science" and "mechanics" the same way that Storybrookians use "magic" as a PLOT DEVICE. Science and mechanics are real true things that exist. Try to think up plausible explanations as to how they work? Are magical beings vulnerable to electricity? Fine. But Regina isn't...really a magical being - not anymore than Snow White is. She's just learned some magic. And if there's magic in the world, she can use it. But it seems like anyone can, if they just know how. The only inherently magical beings we've seen in Storybrooke seem to be Emma, Gold, the Dwarves, the Faries, Maleficent, and August/Pinocchio. Other people just know how to USE magic if it's available to them. So basically you're just electroshocking a woman. And (sorry, maybe spoilers) they don't know who they're working for? So they're working for a religious scientific underground government cartel that is hellbent on destroying magic because...Jesus? Come on, even the puritans were kind of okay with magic until it became a convenient scapegoat for things going wrong in their lives. I understand Greg wanting to find his father (and I guess becoming a zealot in the process) but what's Tamara's story? Bitch be cray.
I'm sorry, did Rumplestiltskin say "being immortal doesn't mean you can't be killed - it just means you can't die"?? Um...generally that's exactly what being killed leads to. So are there ways to live forever without dying that are horrific? Of course. Perhaps they should have specified that The Dark One does not AGE, but that does not mean he cannot DIE. This has bugged me since Hook poisoned him. All that setup about the stupid dagger, and for what? Zilch.
Mary Margaret and David. Go back and watch every episode this season and take a drink every time David pulls a gun. Go on, I'll wait.
Keep watching. Keep drinking. Stop crying.
You're either viking-caliber drunk or you're dead. Congratulations. And Mary-Margaret. I miss your badassery. You are weepy and whiny and just irritating. But good on your for being able to identify the smell of sardines. How very precise your royal olfactory senses must be. MAYBE THATS HER SUPERPOWER.
Oh yeah, Emma's superpower is back you guys. (But it's unreliable. You know what you call an unreliable superpower? NOTHING. You call it NOTHING - because if you talk about shit you can do, but only sometimes like when no one is watching you get LOCKED THE SHIT UP.) Because she could tell Tamara was lying. Anyone who could not tell Tamara was lying - raise your hand. No one? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? That woman is a horrific actress. She fits right in.
The Shadow - Ok, this is the only thing that sort of marginally interested me. We don't KNOW if Baelfire is Peter, or even if he's one of the Lost Boys. We just know that he's in Neverland where he won't age. I REALLY hope he turns out to be Tootles. Or Slightly. Or Nibs. Mostly Tootles. So the shadow kidnaps boys and magically takes them to an island where they will never grow up, and every night they cry for their mothers. Save the Michael Jackson jokes, I have a feeling there will be plenty of those next week.
I can be invisible...but only if I'm naked and everyone's eyes are closed including mine.
ReplyDelete10 points if you get the movie reference.
But for reals, I am super sick of Lacey. I think she's a special case though, because Regina ASSIGNED her memories after she had lost her real ones. After she remembered them. After she didn't remember anything and was locked up in a psych ward. After the curse. oi. It seemed like Belle was a blank slate after crossing the line, but retained her basic personality. Lacey is just...ugh. Drunk and boring. And being a slut doesn't make you evil or interesting, regardless of what Disney insists.
I'm also interested in what happens next in Neverland, but I'm not too worried about what happens to Neil/Bae now, since he's a pretty handy portal jumper. He'll be fine. I think Snow is just trying to figure out her character now, after, you know, THE DARK SPOT.
I don't think Regina assigned Lacey's memories any more than she assigned Dr. Whale, or Dr. Hopper, or Mary-Margaret. Remember, we never knew Belle's Storybrooke identity.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on where Bae/Neal has landed at this point. And he HAS been shot. So that's an issue. Why he and Emma just stood around the vortex chatting instead of running like hell considering they have BOTH been sucked through them, I'll never know.